Molly Reads...

2011 Book List!

2012-01-02T12:31:00.003-06:00

This is really only meant for my own personal reference, but I thought I'd put it into a post anyway in case anyone else cares. I really should have linked to the books and to the ones that I reviewed myself. But, I didn't. In 2012, I'm going to keep my running list of read books as usual, but I'm going to keep it in a more "blog ready" format--i.e. if I review it, I'm going to include the link on my list right then, rather than try to go back later.

You'll notice the dates aren't in order--that's because I updated the list on only a semi-regular basis and would go backwards through my FB postings from Kindle in order to update the list. I also kept a list of non-Kindle books in my phone and added those to the very end of this list (though, not all of the books on the main list were read on Kindle either, it just depended on when/what was available when I finished reading it and was ready to record it). The format of how I kept the list jumps back and forth depending on what I was copying and pasting from.

So, FWIW, this is my year-end list of books read in 2011. I read a total of 119 books. Some were somewhat short--novellas of about 120-150 pages. Some were long (like 400+ pages). I only included books I read out loud to the kids if they were over 200 pages, because then I definitely think that still counts as a book I read--out loud no less, that is MORE work than reading it to myself for sure!

Happy New Year! I look forward to many more wonderful reads in 2012!

1/2/2011—Simply Give Birth (second reading, read for birth inspiration. Book of birth stories, mostly rapid and UC. Very inspiring and good and also funny—has cartoons J)
1/2/2011—Motherhood Confidential (finished, second reading. Kind of wildy written—makes you feel a little crazy. Funny).
1/9/2011—Living in the Lap of the Goddess: The Feminist Spirituality Movement in America.
1/10/2011—Gentle Birth Companions: Doulas Serving Humanity (UK perspective, interesting)
1/12/2011—Labyrinth of Birth (second reading. Good!)
1/17/2011—The Handmaid’s Tale (first full-length Kindle read!)
1/23/2011—New Lives (nurses stories from NICU, Kindle)
1/26/2011—The Holy Book of Women’s Mysteries (too witchy for my taste)
1/27/2011—Summer at Willow Lake (lightweight romance story free on Kindle)
2/2/2011--Wicca 404: Advanced Goddess Thealogy (Kindle)
2/5/2011—Rebirth of the Goddess (feminist thealogy)
2/8/2011—The Apothecary’s Daughter (free Kindle historical fiction)
2/10/2011—Candle in the Darkness (free Kindle Christian historical fiction)
2/11/2011—Soul Identity (free Kindle fiction)
2/15/2011—Goddess Spirituality at the Crossroads (second read, first Kindle purchase)
2/16/2011—Letters from a Woman Homesteader (free Kindle classic)
2/19/2011—The Spiral Dance (more Wiccan-oriented than I am)
2/23/2011—Talk of the Town (free Kindle Christian fiction—light on Christian. Reality TV producer goes to small town).
2/26/2011—Daughters of the Goddess (anthology of essays)
2/27/2011—A Time to Love (free Kindle Christian fiction about Amish people)
2/28/1010—She is Everywhere (anthology of Goddess writings, focusing on the Dark Mother/Black Madonna. Very uneven).
3/2/2011—Medicus: A Novel of the Roman Empire (good, free for Kindle)
3/4/2011—A Bed of Spices (historical romance fiction, free for Kindle. Set in Europe during Black Death)
3/2011—Focus (free ebook on Zen in the age of distraction. About time management with computer/online use. Very good!)
3/11/2011—Leaving Mother Lake (memoir about the Moso people, a matrilineal group a the border of Tibet/China. Very good and interesting!)
3/22/2011—No Impact Man (book club. Very good).
3/28/2011—Millie’s Fling (lightweight, funny, Bridget Jones-esque)
3/29/2011--What’s the Least You Can Believe & Still Be a Christian (free, Kindle. Interesting)
4/6/2011—Wings (free Kindle fiction about faeries. Liked it!)
4/15/2011—Home/Birth: a poemic (interesting. Took time to get rhythm, but then loved it. Felt like eavesdropping ;)).
4/16/2011-- Kiss Me, Stranger: An Illustrated Novel -- --Pretty weird, but also very interesting (and was free). Post-economic collapse setting and about a mother with 14 children who ends up living in a landfill (scavenging waste metal and other usable items). War going on all around between revolutionary faction and "Presidential Militia" (from nutty totalitarian President who took over and ruined the country).
4/18/2011 Cosmic Conversations: Dialogues on the Nature of the Universe and the Search for Reality 4 stars, because it was a little too uneven in quality to be a five star! Very interesting and thought-provoking collection of interviews with prominent thinkers/writers/scientists/spiritual leaders about cosmology.
4/26/2011--Photographs & Phantoms, free Kindle fiction. short and light.
4/23/2011—Tales of the Revolution: True Stories of People who are Poking the Box and Making a Difference
4/20/2011--Do the Work
5/1/2011—The Possibility of Everything (for book club)
5/8/2011-- Sparks Fly (forgettable, free Kindle romance)
5/9/2011-- She Who Changes: Re-imagining the Divine in the World
5/13/2011-- Songs for a Teenage Nomad (free Kindle fiction)
5/15/2011—Practicing the Presence of the Goddess
5/17/2011—Arms Wide Open (midwifery memoir)
6/7/2011—In Her Name: Empire (sci-fi Kindle novel)
6/2/2011 finished Mind Cafe by Lizzy Ford and gave it 4 stars (interesting short)
6/1/2011--finished A Fool Again: A Novella and gave it 3 stars (engaging, predictable short romance)
5/30/2011--I actually LOL'ed at this quick, funny little book. 4 stars Stingray Bit My Nipple!: True Stories from Real Travelers
5/30/2011--finished What the Dead Fear by Lea Ryan and gave it 4 stars (interesting short)
5/30/2011--cheesy, simplistic, & cliche, but also fun (save eaten by rats & squashed by a hog incidents) 3 stars Bring on the Blessings with Bonus Material
5/27/2011--finished Heart of the Witch and gave it 3.5 stars (mystery/romance. sort of cheap, sort of good)
5/25/2011--another bizarre reading choice based solely on freeness. It was actually pretty funny though. The Twelve Sacred Traditions of Magnificent Mothers-in-Law
5/23/2011--finished Write Good or Die by Scott Nicholson, Gayle Lynds et al. and gave it 3 stars
5/18/2011--finished Matchmakers 2.0 (A Novel Nibbles title) by Debora Geary and gave it 3 stars. This was actually a pretty fun little book. And, a minor character was a midwife! Presented very normally and talked about knitting baby blankets at births or needing to leave if one of "her mamas is having a baby." :)
6/2011--Tales of Ancient Wisdom (Zen parable/story thingies)
7/15/2011—Burnt Toast (Teri Hatcher memoir on life, love, and motherhood. Book club read).
7/22/2011—Ben Behind His Voices—schizophrenia memoir
October 16-- finished Jenny Pox (The Paranormals, Book 1) by JL Bryan and gave it 4 stars
October 11 finished Wings with Bonus Material by Aprilynne Pike and gave it 4 stars (Read this to the boys with slight edits due to teen content. Lann voted 5 stars on it. I'd previously read it to myself and gave it 4. Interesting fairy read!)
October 8 finished Anathema (The Causal Enchantment Series) by K.A. Tucker and gave it 3.5 stars
October 6 finished Awkward Memoirs From Actual India by Romi Moondi and gave it 4 stars--bizarrely amusing!
October 4 finished Lady in the Mist (The Midwives) by Laurie Alice Eakes and gave it 3 stars
Sept. 29 finished Lux 1.1 Seeds by Jalex Hansen and gave it 4 stars
Sept 27 finished Love's Magic by Traci E. Hall and gave it 3 stars (Cheesy free romance. I kept wanting to stop reading it, but there was just enough intrigue to keep me hanging on until the end. I've been reading the crappiest books lately. Things I never even would have dignified with a glance pre-Kindle)
Sept. 20 finished Impulse Control (Talent Chronicles) and gave it 4 stars--engaging X-Men-ish YA novella.
Sept 13 finished Thirst (Ava Delaney #1) by Claire Farrell and gave it 3 stars
Sept 11 finished Angela of Troy and gave it 3 stars--novella about necromancer & werewolves. Abrupt end.
Sept 8 finished Please Stop Laughing at Me and gave it 3.5 stars--book club read.
Sept. 7 finished George & the Virgin. 3.5 stars-yes, I read this & it was pretty cute & creative (if trashy)
Sept 5 finished Anathema (Cloud Prophet series, not the same book as the other Anathema on my list) and gave it 4 stars--intriguing first half, became weaker by end.
Sept 4 finished Charlotte Figg Takes Over Paradise & gave it 3.5 stars--light, engaging Christian fiction. (Pregnant woman has baby on second base and another player says they should take her to the hospital. The reply--"its okay, she was planning to have the baby at home anyway." :) Also, had a nursing mother on the team, who frequently had to take breaks to nurse the baby :) Baby was over 6 months old too. Woot!
Aug 30 finished Elliot and the Goblin War by Jennifer A. Nielsen et al. and Lann gave it 5 stars
Aug 28 finished The Trouble With Green by Liv James and gave it 3 stars--lightweight and semi-crappy.
Aug 24 finished Zarrella's Hierarchy of Contagiousness by Dan Zarrella and gave it 3 stars
Aug 24 finished The Witch of Agnesi (Bonnie Pinkwater series) by Robert Spiller and gave it 3 stars (Engaging enough to keep me going to find out whodunnit, but not good enough to keep me from skimming a lot (I rarely skim!).
Aug 23 finished The Hawk And His Boy (The Tormay Trilogy #1) by Christopher Bunn and gave it 5 stars
Aug 17 read The Year We Finally Solved Everything and gave it 4 stars--really odd, but quite good/absorbing (A lot of the book was spent in his head, so I think you'll like it. It was a weird, interesting, dark, offbeat, semi-depressing story with mucho use of the f-word.)
Aug 14 finished Alice At Heart by Deborah Smith and gave it 5 stars.
Aug 13 finished The Awakening and Selected Short Stories by Kate Chopin and gave it 2 stars (Styles of writing have changed/evolved so much since "classics" were written that it is hard to appreciate them--I found this to be painfully slow going as well as confusing (it was really not straightforward or clear about what was actually happening and I could barely focus on it while reading!) The only silver lining is that you found the free version for us!) I continued to find it difficult to discern the plot throughout the book, so I don't know that you're missing anything! It was hard to figure out WHAT she was feeling or thinking and it took me quite a while to even figure out that she was in love with the Robert guy--it was very "subtle" I guess (too many other free Kindle books recently have me expecting torrid love scenes to clarify the love interests!). I read a variety of criticisms of the book saying they couldn't believe how badly she treated her husband, but I thought he was pretty jerky. And, during this time period, children of the social class they belonged to were primarily with nannies (like hers were), so I actually didn't really look at the story as her leaving her children--they were still being cared for in the same way with or without her actually in the house. That was part of the culture--the part of her life (her "woman's duty") that she abandoned was the pointless socializing and entertaining and keeping up of appearances. I also wonder how her leaving to live in her own house is any different than the husband being gone all the time and then going to his "club" until long after the kids were in bed--no "what a horrible husband and father" statements are made in the Amazon reviews at least! Apparently was so subtle that I missed that she committed suicide at the end of the book until one of my book clubmates pointed it out to me.
Aug 9 finished The Walled Garden and gave it 3 stars--interesting, but abruptly over, novella
Aug 7 finished The Turtle Boy (The Timmy Quinn Series) and gave it 4 stars--totally creepy novella.
Dec. 9 finished Will Allen and the Great Monster Detective by Jason Edwards et al. and Lann gave it 4 stars
Nov. 27 finished Guardian of Eden by Leslie DuBois and gave it 4 stars--erratic quality, but interesting
Nov. 26 finished Moonstone by Marilee Brothers and gave it 4 stars--fun YA read.
Nov. 20 finished Skulduggery Pleasant: Scepter of the Ancients by Derek Landy and Lann gave it 5 stars. One surprise about this piece of free kids kindle fiction is that it was 416 pages long! I had no idea when I started reading it to the kids (one of the only things that makes the kindle book experience different than a "real" book--you'd never get halfway through a hard copy book and say, hmm. I wonder how long this book is anyway?) It was very violent in places and I had to edit slightly for mild language and some excess gore, but overall Lann and I both really enjoyed it and will probably get more books in the series (print copies are like one cent on amazon!). It was too old for Z and he would fall asleep during it.
Nov. 22 finished Best Friends by Consuelo Saah Baehr and gave it 5 stars--Cover makes it look lightweight and casual. It isn't. Disturbing in places, sad and depressing in others. Somewhat uneven at times--jumpy or confusing--but overall engrossing and very good. Good, deep free kindle fiction is possible!
Nov. 13 finished Ghost in Her Heart (Dark Lands) by Autumn Dawn and gave it 3 stars. Quote: “Men might rule the world, but women created life, made it grow within them. Without the womb there was no kingdom to govern, and a king was as useless as the next man.”
Nov. 12 finished Signs and Wonders by Alex Adena, Ronnell Porter and Arturo Fernandez and gave it 3.5 stars
Nov. 6 finished Commune of Women by Suzan Still and gave it 5 stars
Nov. 3 finished Yesterday's Gone: Episode 1 and gave it 4 stars--serial thriller/post-apocalyptic
Oct 28 finished Hollowland and gave it 4 stars--semi-gruesome YA zombie apocalypse tale
7/14/2011 The Friend Request 4 stars (if free)--creepy novel about sociopath using Facebook to ruin lives. B/c choppy toward end
7/12/2011--finished Wild Child by Mike Wells and gave it 3 stars--dd but also interesting YA story. Ended abruptly/lacked resolution.
7/11/2011--finished Delightfully Twisted Tales by and gave it 3 stars (super strange little shorts)
7/10/2011--finished Fire Lord's Lover and gave it 4 stars (if free)--engaging/somewhat trashy romance novel
7/5/2011--finished Too Big To Miss by Sue Ann Jaffarian and gave it 4 stars--light & fairly engaging mystery.
7/3/2011--finished Dear Cupid by Julie Ortolon and gave it 3 stars--uber-cheesy romance.
6/29/2011--finished Kali and gave it 3 stars--some good recipes. Basically a collection of foodie blog posts.
6/28/2011--finished Life From Scratch by Melissa Ford and gave it 4 stars. While it wasn't what I expected and was lightweight, it was definitely of higher caliber than a romance novel (and much less nakedness than those have!) and surprised me a couple of times (ending was a little trite though).
6/24/2011--finished Ravenous by Dayna Macy and gave it 4 stars--interesting & well-written!
6/21/2011--finished The Fox by Arlene Radasky and gave it 4 stars. This was a pretty good about the ancient Picts (Celts) in Scotland during the approaching Roman invasion. Somewhat uneven/rough in places and seemed like it could use some additional editing work, but really hooked my interest and drew me in. Labyrinth imagery throughout.
6/18/2011--finished Breakthrough! by Jon Queijo and gave it 4 stars--interesting book!
6/13/2011--Listen, 4 stars (free=good; pay=probably no. Intriguing idea, sometimes heavy handed with the moralizing)
6/11/2011--finished Their Last Suppers by Andrew Caldwell and gave it 3 stars (morbidly interesting)
6/12/2011--read Don't Make Me Come Up There! Quiet Moments for Busy Moms, 2 stars(some funny "bad mom" stories)
7/19/2011 read Silken Threads, 4 stars--historical fiction romance that pays homage to Hitchcock's Rear Window

Books read not on Kindle:

July--Doulas' Guide to Birthing Your Way
In Search of the Perfect Birth
Leah's Wake (Book Rooster fiction)
The Belly Mapping Workbook
August--Original Self
Daughters of the Goddess (second reading; for school)
Finnegan's Way (book rooster)
Momfulness
September--A Day in the Life of an American Woman (photo journey)
Rebirth of the Goddess (finished re-reading for class)
Altars
October--Shanghai Girls (book club)
December--Introduction to Human Services: through the eyes of practice settings.

Other textbooks this year:

Working with Families
Child Welfare

2010 Book Year in Review

2011-01-01T13:09:00.003-06:00

I kept a running list of books I read in 2010. Did actually end up hitting the 100 book mark, without realizing it until I sat down to type them up! In addition to the books I read, I also listened to at least 15 audio books. My list is not actually in order of how I read them, but in order of how I jotted them on my notepad! In 2010, I read:

1. Small Gods (fiction, book club. Kind of good)
2. The Red Tent (third time I've read it, this time for book club. Like it very much!)
3. The Lacuna (book club. Very disappointing, because I usually love Barbara Kingsolver).
4. Womanspirit: A guide to women's wisdom (second reading, much enjoy)
5. Birth--an anthology of ancient texts, songs, prayers, and stories (disappointing)
6. Simplicity Lessons: 12 Step Guide to Living Simply (we worked through this book month-by-month in 2009 and then finished it in the early part of the year. Pretty good, but nothing new).
7. Women's Spirituality Book
8. Coming to Term (miscarriage and pregnancy-after-loss. Good, interesting)
9. The Grace in Dying (very good!)
10. U is for Undertow (for fun!)
11. My Name is Mary Sutter (very excellent historical fiction about a midwife/Civil War nurse)
12. Dance of the Womb (prenatal belly dance)
13. Brought to Earth by Birth (photo essay/lyrical ode to birth)
14. Wild Feminine (loved it! Very recommended)
15. A Silent Sorrow (miscarriage)
16. Pregnancy Loss
17. Miscarriage: Women's Experiences and Needs
18. Women's Rituals (read twice)
19. Circle Round
20. The Joy of Family Ritual
21. Pregnant Woman's Comfort Book (twice)
22. Avoiding Miscarriage
23. Painless Childbirth
24. The Women's Retreat Book (loved it. Highly recommended)
25. The Woman's Comfort Book
26. A Woman's Book of Rituals and Celebrations (twice. Very good!)
27. Mindful Motherhood
28. Survivor Moms
29. Birthing a Mother
30. Readings for Women's Programs (really enjoyed this. Used it for a class)
31. Your High Risk Pregnancy (read to review, did not enjoy and wish I hadn't read while also pregnant!)
32. Our Seven Principles in Story and Verse (UU)
33. In Nature's Honor (lots of ideas for seasonal celebrations)
34. Seven Times the Sun (so-so. Waldorfy book about creating home rhythms)
35. Sandra Dodd's Big Book of Unschooling (some great stuff, some annoying stuff)
36. The Year of Living Biblically (for book club. So-so. Funny).
37. Tending the Flame--The Art of UU Parenting
38. The Dance of the Dissident Daughter (second reading, enjoyed again)
39. FatherBirth
40. The Doctor and the Diva (did not really like. Fiction about early artificial insemination techniques, annoyingly dramatized, supposed to review but it didn't match my audience).
41. Dancing with Goddess (x's two)
42. Childbirth with Insight (an oldie and goodie. I'm getting ready to re-read this one)
43. An Easier Childbirth (third reading)
44. Active Birth (another classic!)
45. Secrets of Confident Childbirth
46. Immaculate Deception II (second reading)
47. Prodigal Summer (book club. Also Barbara Kingsolver and pretty good, though not my favorite one from her).
48. Labyrinth of Birth (new edition from Pam England. Very good. Getting ready to re-read)
49. Goddesses, Witches, and the Paradigm Shift (a collection of dramatic readings. Going to do a presentation from this at church for Women's History Month).
50. Optimal Birth (very long. Good).
51. The Alchemist (barely remember. oops!)
52. Mothervoices (??)
53. I Wish I Had a Read Dress (fiction, book club, second reading. Enjoyed).
54. The Feminine Mistake: Are we giving up too much? (thought-provoking)
55. Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn (new edition)
56. Living without Reservations (travel/simple living memoir. Enjoyed).
57. The Queen's Cloak
58. Wild Girls
59. Sacred Dimensions of Women's Experience (interesting)
60. The Wheel of Life and Death (interesting)
61. Birthing Ourselves into Being
62. Birthing from Within (approximately 6th reading. All-time favorite birth book for sure!)
63. Siesta Lane (simple living memoir, not what I expected).
64. The Patron Saint of Liars (fiction, forgettable)
65. The Joy of Pregnancy
66. Having a Baby, Naturally (second reading)
67. Finding Your Own North Star
68. Waiting (journal of pregnancy after loss)
69. The Shallows (book club, so-so).
70. Un-Jobbing (third or so reading, like it).
71. Courageous Parents, Confident Kids
72. Rediscovering Birth (second reading, lots of good pix, good anthropological look at birth culture)
73. The Politics of Women's Spirituality (really enjoyed, very long and dense and took AGES to finish reading. I worked on it for about four months, I think!)
74. Child of the Northern Spring (fiction about Guinevere for book club. Did not really like. Boring).
75. Goddess Spirituality at the Crossroads (first book read on my new Kindle! Really liked it. A collection of columns from a no-longer-published journal of women's spirituality).
76. The Roots of Natural Mothering (so-so)
77. The Goddess Companion (did daily readings from this over course of entire year--it is 365 meditations)
78. Simple Abundance (used this same way as above).
79. Introduction to Human Services textbook for class.
80. Child Welfare textbook for class
81. Effective Group Discussion textbook for class
82. Groups: Process and Practice textbook for class
83. Memoirs of a Singing Birth (e-book)
84. Understanding the Dangers of a Cesarean Birth (for review)
85. Great Gals (book/journal)
86. Understanding Pregnancy and Birth (very basic)
87. Breastfeeding Facts for Fathers (booklet)

These, I can't remember if I actually read in 2010, or just wrote reviews of in 2010:
88. 25 Ways to Joy & Inner Peace for Mothers
89. Pregnant on Prozac
90.She Births
91. Get Me Out
92. L’Mazeltov
93. Birth Day
94. Birth Space, Safe Place

And, these, I found on a separate list and realized I DID read 100 books in 2010 after all!

95. The Geography of Bliss (book club)
96. The Life Organizer (loved it)
97. Listening to Our Bodies
98. The Feminine Face of God
99. YogaFit (for prenatal yoga teacher training)
100. Heart of the Goddess (pictures/painting and accompanying stories)
101. Really, Truly Ruthie (American Girl book)
102. Meet Rebecca (AG)
103. Meet Julie (AG)
104 The Vagina Warriors ($1 Shop find)
105. The Inner Dance (guided meditations. Did not like).

Woot! On to 2011! I have about 15 books in progress right now ;-D

The 12 Days of X-Files Christmas

2010-03-18T12:07:00.001-05:00

I know this is is totally the wrong season, but once upon a time, many years ago Mark and I collaborated with my parents to come up with a lovely rendition of The 12 Days of X-Files Christmas. For some reason, I was prompted to share it here today instead of doing my other work:

12 Days of X-Files Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, Mulder gave Scully
Some parts from a dead body (or: a government conspiracy)

On the second day of Christmas, Mulder gave Scully
Two UFOs and some parts from a dead body

On the third day of Christmas, Mulder gave Scully
Three Lone Gunmen, two UFOs…

On the fourth day of Christmas, Mulder gave Scully
Four abductees, three Lone Gunmen…

On the fifth day of Christmas, Mulder gave Scully
Five cell-phone rings, four abductees…

On the sixth day of Christmas, Mulder gave Scully
Six Chaco chickens, five cell-phone rings…

On the seventh day of Christmas, Mulder gave Scully
Seven swarms of bees, six Chaco chickens…

On the eighth day of Christmas, Mulder gave Scully
Eight Syndicate members, seven swarms of bees…

On the ninth day of Christmas, Mulder gave Scully
Nine black oil victims, eight syndicate members…

On the tenth day of Christmas, Mulder gave Scully
Ten little green men, nine black oil victims…

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Mulder gave Scully
Eleven gross autopsies, ten little green men…

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Mulder gave Scully
Twelve reprimands from Skinner (or: twelve nice big kisses)…

By: Molly, Mark, Barbara, and Tom

Finishing out 2009

2010-01-09T15:18:00.002-06:00

Wanted to finish out 2009 by at least posting a list of the other books I've read this year. If I keep this blog alive at all, it is going to be as just a list/record of what I've read so that I remember :)

I have put most of my "to-blog" stack away, so I'm probably forgetting some, but in recent weeks I've read:

Twelve books about miscarriage
Pregnant on Prozac (book about antidepressant use during pregnancy, had several major critiques of, reviewed for CAPPA)
From Diapers to Dating (a guide to raising sexually healthy children from infancy to middle school, liked it pretty well, good information and suggestions, reviewed for LLL)
L'Mazeltov (Jewish childbirth education, reviewed for CAPPA, not impressed with the "do whatever the doctor tells you" conventional attitude)
Birth Space, Safe Place (book about emotional well being during pregnancy and birth, enjoyed though didn't learn anything new really, reviewed for CAPPA & CfM)
25 Ways to Awaken Your Birth Power (book and CD set, inspirational and relaxing, reviewed for CAPPA & CfM)
25 Ways to Joy & Inner Peace for Mothers (book and CD set, nurturing little book for mothers of newborns, reviewed for CAPPA)
The Body of the Goddess (about sacred sites around the world as well as about goddess imagery in landscapes and cultures with am emphais on the body, enjoyed pretty well though felt some of the conclusions/theories were a bit of a stretch, delighted and surprised to find it at $1 Shop)
Re-read Birthing from Within, my all time favorite birth book. I re-read it to give myself of dose of inspiration as well as prep for the birth art class I'm taking online this month.
Mask of Motherhood--this was a re-read from several years ago. I liked it the second time around too and marked a whole bunch of pages that I'm now not going to actually write about. I think a lot of attachment minded mothers would probably not like this book, but I like it anyway.
Joyful Birth--I was reading a segment from this each week during my pregnancy and finished it about a week before my miscarriage :(
Simply Give Birth--reviewed this for CAPPA and CfM, LOVED it. Super good and highly recommended, one of my favorite books of 2009, more here.
The Power of Women--possibly my favorite birth read of 2009. Really excellent. A true treasure. Reviewed for CfM and CAPPA (see CfM review here)
Birth Day--just finished reviewing this one for CAPPA. Quick read. Amusing.
My Stroke of Insight--book club read for November.
Creating Community Change: Making it Happen in the Real World--textbook for my CC class in October. Read it cover to cover like a good teacher. Really a good book. Highly recommended!
Chiseled in Sand: Creating Change in Human Service Organizations--textbook I was considering for class, but didn't end up using as a class book.
Life Skills for Homeschooled Teenagers--bought for my homeschool co-op Life Skills class in Sept. Have already re-sold, since I won't have homeschooled teenagers of my own for many years!

I was going to get links set up for all these, but I just don't have time, so tralalala!

--
96

UU World Quotes

2009-12-18T16:30:00.003-06:00

I know I don't have time for this blog anymore. The best I can do is pop in with quotes every once in a while, with no time really to explain why they struck me.

From UU World magazine in an article titled The Cathedral of the World:

"A twenty-first-century theology based on the concept of one Light and many windows offers to its adherents both breadth and focus. Honoring many different religious approaches, it only excludes the truth-claims of absolutists. That is because fundamentalists claim that the Light shines through their window only. Some go so far as to beseech their followers to throw stones through other people’s windows.

Skeptics draw the opposite conclusion. Seeing the bewildering variety of windows and observing the folly of the worshipers, they conclude that there is no Light. But the windows are not the Light. They are where the Light shines through."

Quotes like this are why I am a UU and why I was drawn so strongly to UUism. I spent approximately 27 years of my life feeling like organized religion "disagreed" with me and I, frankly, wanted very little to do with it. I did not feel like my spiritual beliefs "fit" anywhere. Then, lo and behold, I discovered that I DO have a fit. A very, very good one. I never expected to "get religious" at this point in my life, but what really happened is that I discovered I've actually been a UU all along, I just didn't know there was a name for it. :)

Also in the same issue was a nice prayer to be used a dinner or other gatherings:

"Spirit of Life, we remember...(insert negative things that are relevant--poverty, hunger, etc.), and we are grateful for...(insert food, company, program, other noteworthy positive things.) Blessed be and Amen."

Quote from Ode

2009-12-12T16:22:00.002-06:00

Trying to clear out my pile of magazines, etc. and before I pass it along, I wanted to share this quote from Ode Magazine in an article called The Reason of Faith (the article was about "why people need religion" and was a semi-scholarly [instead of theistic] response to recent books about atheism):

"And when you try to mix science and religion you get bad science and bad religion. The two are doing different things....Science can give you a diagnosis of cancer. It can even cure your disease, but it cannot touch your grief and disappointment, nor can it help you to die well."

And More

2009-10-21T15:34:00.003-05:00

Recently I've finished re-reading Shelter for the Spirit: How to Make Your Home a Haven in a Hectic World. I saw the author speak in person at a Speaking of Women's Health conference several years ago. Nice, nurturing simple living read (with additional bonus of a short appendix with sections about homebirth and homeschooling :). It inspired me to change my Facebook profile quote to: "A simplified home feels friendlier. A simplified life seems easier. And remarkable joy comes from simple things--like having work to do that matters, and having people to love who matter a lot."

I also re-read Mother's Intention: How Belief Shapes Birth. Lots of good stuff in this one, though it does get repetitive after a while. She has a particular way with analogies that is just great--all kinds of good examples. She has a very straightforward, matter-of-fact style. I wish I could manage to be so honest/upfront with some of my childbirth education clients about "buying the hospital ticket and taking the hospital ride."

I read The Pocket Doula as well. It has lots of good pictures, no new information for me. Very conventional approach to standard interventions--doesn't question them at all.

I also read Fearless Fourteen and Finger-Lickin' Fifteen. Nothing like a little "dessert" every once in a while! :)

I think there may have been some others also, but I'm not keeping them in a to-blog-about pile anymore so I lose track!

67

Recent Reads

2009-09-15T16:23:00.002-05:00

So, even though I've basically discontinued this blog, I still want to keep it updated periodically as a record of what I've been reading.

In the last couple of weeks, I've read:

Permission to Mother--short little natural mothering vignettes by a doctor and mother of three boys.

The Doula Guide to Birth--enjoyed it. Reviewed it for CfM and for CAPPA.

The Milk Memos--based on a series of notebooks kept by mothers pumping milk in the lactation room at IBM. I bought this at the LLL of MO conference this summer. A section I marked was about having "Etch-a-Sketch brain"--"she'd mentally jot down tasks throughout the day, only to find them suddenly wiped out and gone forever with the slightest 'shake up.'"

Fathers-To-Be Handbook--reviewing for CAPPA. A quick little "road map" for transitioning into fatherhood and a good resource for childbirth educators.

Awakening to the Dream--one of those semi-enlightening, semi-annoying Zen live-in-the-now books.

The Millionth Circle--a lightning quick read about women's circles (and how once we get to the millionth circle, patriarchy will be over and the world will be transformed). Liked two quotes: "Feminism catches fire when it draws upon its inherent spirituality. When it does not, it is just one more form of politics, and politics never fed our deepest hungers." --Carol Lee Flinders

and

Show up or choose to be present.
Pay attention to what has heart and meaining.
Tell the truth without blame or judgment.
Be open to outcome, not attached to outcome.

--Angela Arrien

62

Triggers

2009-08-25T10:47:00.003-05:00

In June, I went to the LLL of MO conference in Columbia. We had two great keynote speakers who both spoke about discipline. The first was Elizabeth Pantley, best known for her The No-Cry Sleep Solution book. This is one of the most often checked out books in my LLL Group's lending library. She spoke about that book as well as presented material from her No-Cry Discipline Solution book. One of the things I connected with was about your "triggers"--what tends to get you upset/angry with your kids. Here is an excerpt from her book:

What sets you off?
Most parents get angry over issues that are insignificant in the grand scheme of life, yet happen on such a regular basis that they become blown out of proportion. Some of the most common parenting issues that trigger anger are whining, temper tantrums, sibling bickering, and non-cooperation. Determine which behaviors most bother you and set about making a plan to correct each problem that sets off your anger.

Notice your hot spots
In addition to triggers, there are “hot spots” in the day when anger more easily rises to the surface. These are typically times when family members are tired, hungry or stressed. These emotions leave us more vulnerable to anger. This can happen in the early morning, before naptime, before meals, or at bedtime. You may also encounter situations when misbehavior increases, and so does your anger: grocery shopping, playdates, or family visits, for example.

--From The No-Cry Discpline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley

My trigger is whining! Oh. My. Goodness. Our "hot spot" is when we're hungry (any of us) and my personal hot spot is when I'm trying to get ready to go somewhere--I have a very short temper when I'm trying to get out the door and feel like people are throwing rocks in my path! (somtimes literally ;-)

The other keynote was Lu Hanessian (of Let the Baby Drive--another very popular book in my LLL Group's library). One of the observations she made about trigger issues is that your specific triggers probably reflect your own personal issues--so, if you have a problem with whining, you probably have an issue with neediness. And if you have a problem with not being listened to, you really have an issue with validation/self-worth. It was very interesting and made a lot of sense.

Media Review: Time 4 Learning

2009-08-19T13:04:00.001-05:00

Media Review: Time 4 Learning

www.time4learning.com

Last year marked my first “official” year homeschooling. Over the course of the year, we experimented with a variety of schooling options. I believe in life learning and am comfortable with a relaxed, very informal approach to homeschooling. However, I also discovered that I still have a strong part of me that feels the need for some type of formal “school” each day for my now 6 year old son. We primarily tried worksheets and found those boring, repetitive, and often pointless. We had periodic power struggles about whether he needed to do them or not and I found myself seeking another way to meet my need for a bit of school in every day, but not something oppressive or non-enjoyable.

Enter Time 4 Learning. I took the opportunity for a free trial membership for both of my sons. I discovered that my 3 year old was a little too young still to benefit from it and continued the trial with my soon to be 6 year old only. We discovered that Time 4 Learning fit neatly into the rhythm of our daily lives.

Though, the lessons are easily self-guided/directed even for a Kindergarten aged child, I did discover my son enjoys the program more and seems to benefit more when I sit with him on my lap while he works on it. At the beginning of our trial membership he complained that some of the lessons were boring and I discovered that those were the ones below his level, with me sitting there with him I am able to let him know it is okay to skip ahead or to just take the quiz instead of the complete lesson. After I started this approach, his enjoyment level went up and I don’t get any complaints!

At the Kindergarten level, there are lessons available in Language Arts, Math, and Science. I peeked ahead into the First Grade level and they really are a remarkably complete program/curriculum.

The lessons are self-guided and have a variety of themes—park, under the sea, kitchen/restaurant, etc. I liked the practical content included—for example to learn about measuring and measurement instruments, the child goes (virtually) to a chef’s kitchen and figures out how many cinnamon rolls can fit into different sized pans. For some areas there are supplementary stories or worksheets included. Each series of lessons about a specific topic is followed by a 10 question quiz and then the complete “chapter” of lessons is followed by a 20 question test. The tests are also self-guided and my son shows a high level of comprehension in taking them (higher than I expected, I confess!).

After completing “lesson time” for the day (the duration of which can be altered by the parent, but starts automatically at a minimum of 15 minutes), the child has the opportunity to visit the “playground” (again for a pre-defined amount of time—the default is 15 minutes). I found we spend 30-45 minutes on lessons with Time 4 Learning a day and that feels comfortable to both of us. My son can usually complete 3 or 4 different lessons and quiz during that amount of time.

We’ve spent about 6 weeks with the program now and I’ve noticed an increase in both his math and reading comprehension skills in everyday life—I think this is because we have more fun working together on the Time 4 Learning lessons than we ever did with worksheets!

We had minimal trouble with the audio on some of the language arts segments being difficult to distinguish between letter sounds.

Our only ongoing complaint for both of us is that the lessons do not let you click ahead until the instructions have finished playing—since the instructions are often very repetitive it gets frustrating to have to listen to them multiple times instead of being able to click ahead. On the tests and quizzes, you do have the capacity to click ahead.

Though I do not need to keep formal logs yet, I appreciate that the program offers a “portfolio” with a variety of reports in it for record keeping purposes. This can come in very handy!

We generally do Time 4 Learning in the morning, before the rest of day gets under way. This helps me get my personal need for “formal” school met and tidily out of the way. It makes more sense to me to have him work on a program like this instead of doing worksheets—it is similar content, but the interactive style makes it much more interesting for both of us.

Disclosure notice: The opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own (and my son’s). I was compensated for writing the review.

I give up! Letting go...

2009-08-15T14:32:00.004-05:00

...of this blog. Or, at least of my old vision for this blog. I do not have time for it any more and it has been more of a chore than anything for quite some time. I still want to keep a log of my yearly readings, so I think I'll keep posting periodically, but almost as more of a list than anything interesting. I do not have very many readers here and my other blog projects feel more important than this one--this was a hobby-blog really, or just for fun, and fun is usually what I let go of! Also, I have that depressing sense of adding to the virtual cacophony of voices with it and where's the value in that? This isn't the only thing I'm going to let go of, I've got to go through my life priorities and make some more cuts. This is just the easy one, because I've felt it kind of draining me for a while.

I really enjoy the book The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal and I get the author's email newsletter. In the most recent issue--titled Do You Love Your Life?--it posed the following questions:

Are you living the life you've always wanted? Do you feel like you're the master of your life or the slave to it? Does how you spend your time reflect where your priorities lie or do you feel like your life is a list of "should's"?

Here are some questions for you (and if applicable, your partner) to consider:

What do you value most in life right now (ex: time, relationships, flexibility, a short commute, your community)?

Where does the majority of your energy go on a daily basis (work, household management, relationships, parenting, spiritual renewal, your to-do list)?

Does your life feel a)overwhelming, b)barely manageable, c)occasionally hectic or d)pretty simple? (Check out these great tips for simplifying.)

If you could wave a magic wand and change one thing that would significantly impact your quality of life, what would it be?

What are three actions you could take right now to radically simplify your life and create more space, ease and flow in your day-to-day experience?

-----
These are good questions to consider...as I answered some of them, I duly noted that "write Molly Reads... blog" wasn't on there! ;-)

I've referenced before how I have kind of a black and white view of my tasks/commitments. If I cannot give something my all, it eats and picks at me until I decided to cut my losses and move on. I can't just leave something and say, "I'll work on this later, when I have more time. I have to make the cut. I have to quit. I have to totally dump it! So, I'm not sure if my only-post-a-list/sentence plan will actually work, or if it will continue to lurk in my brain as an unfinished to-do until I truly shut it down for good.

The Tipping Point

2009-08-15T14:23:00.000-05:00

I recently finished reading The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. I enjoyed it a good deal more than Outliers, which I also read recently. The sections I marked in this one were about personality and core traits vs. environment. I come from a social work background, a field in which I have often explained using the following: psychology deals with the individual person. Sociology deals with society. Social work addresses person in environment. And, so did these section from The Tipping Point:

"All of us, when it comes to personality, naturally think in terms of absolutes: that a person is a certain way or not a certain way...this is a mistake, that when we think only in terms of inherent traits and forget the role of situations, we're deceiving ourselves about the real causes of human behavior..."

"The mistake we make in thinking of character as something unified and all-encompassing is very similar to a blind spot in the way we process information. Psychologists call this tendency the Fundamental Attribution Error (FAE), which is a fancy way of saying that when it comes to interpreting other people's behavior, human beings invariably make the mistake of overestimating the importance of fundamental character traits and underestimating the importance of situation and context. We will always reach for a 'dispositional' explanation for events, as opposed to a 'contextual' explanation."

What I think is interesting about this is that my observation is in our OWN behavior though, we use the contextual explanation (sometimes excessively so, particularly when the behavior is out of character for how we'd like to be/believe we are). In short, we quickly assume other people have fundamental character flaws, but we have contextual excuses for ourselves!

I was also interested by the Good Samaritan study he referenced (in which seminary students were told to go make a presentation--some were told they had "extra time" and others were told they were late. Some of them were actually speaking about the Good Samaritan and others about something else. Some were in seminary because of a calling and others for other reasons. They each encountered a [fake] sick person collapsed on the street needing help. The defining factor about who stopped to help was whether they thought they had extra time--those with extra time stopped. Those who though they were late, stepped over him, even if they were going to speak about the Good Samaritan!): "What this study is suggesting, in other words, is that the convictions of your heart and the actual contents of your thoughts are less important, in the end, in guiding your actions than the immediate context of your behavior."

I don't know that I like this idea, but it does seem consistent with reality (for better or worse).

I also noted his conclusion to the book: "Look at the world around you. It may seem like an immovable, implacable place. It is not. With the slightest push--in just the right place--it can be tipped."

56

Lady of the Snakes

2009-08-15T08:32:00.000-05:00

Our August book club read was the fiction book Lady of the Snakes. As you will soon read, I'm changing my approach to this blog and basically "retiring" it, so I will just go ahead and share briefly the quotes I'd marked from it (only two):

"This is what women's lives are like...It had never occurred to her--not really--that women's lives were so deeply different from men's. Now she saw it, and it shocked her."

I recall a similar moment in my own life after my first son was born--my husband went back to work and all of the sudden I was like, my whole WORLD has changed and he is going along basically business as usual. I felt like it was unfair, in a sense, to BOTH of us--me for having to undergo what I experienced as an often painful transition of self from autonomous woman to mother on my own, and for him having his own transition so ignored/unacknowledged by our culture that he was expected to just return to work like nothing had happened.

Quoting from the Russian diarist:

"In moments of despair I have felt each new child like another silken thread binding up my soul. But on happier days I see each one--not so much as a new beginning, but as a new note in a complex harmony, adding depth and resonance to a tapestry that already exists."

"Jane Levitsky sat at her desk thinking of the different moods of motherhood--joyful, oppressive, tedious. Peaceful. Exhausting."

This reminded me of something else I used to say/feel: How is it possible to simultaneously feel so captivated and yet captive, bonded and also bound?

55

And some more...

2009-08-08T17:14:00.000-05:00

"Be broad-minded,
Whole, without relying
On others."

--Hongzhi Zhengjue

"With gentleness,
Overcome anger.
With generosity,
Overcome meanness.
With truth,
Overcome delusion."

--The Dhannapada

More Zen

2009-08-01T07:11:00.001-05:00

"Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul; we may preserve it in the midst of the bitterest pain, if our will remains firm and submissive. Peace in this life springs from acquiescence, not in an exemption from suffering."

--Francis Fenelon

"Most people believe the mind to be a mirror, more or less accurately reflecting the world outside them, not realizing on the contrary that the mind is itself the principal element of creation."

--Rabindranath Tragore

Ode

2009-07-30T21:27:00.004-05:00

I may have mentioned before that I love Ode magazine ("for intelligent optimists"). I sort of accidentally ended up subscribing to it about threeish years ago and I'm a fan. I saved two recent issues (there are 10 a year) and brought them along to read on the plane during our just-completed trip to California. The August issue had a theme of "Laughter" and I really enjoyed it. I marked the following quote to share from the article "In the beginning was the joke: why cheerfulness is next to godliness":

"So what are we here for? Your modern neo-Darwinist is perfectly certain--for no reason. That just doesn't cut it for me...I prefer this take by the composer Aaron Copland (simply replace the word 'music' with the word 'life'): 'The whole problem can be stated quite simply by asking, 'Is there a meaning to music?' My answer would be 'Yes.' And 'Can you state in so many words what the meaning is?' My answer to that would be, 'No.'"

Thoughts on Thinking

2009-07-25T17:06:00.002-05:00

Today is our 11th wedding anniversary! There is time only for zen quotes...

"Inner peace is the key: if you have inner peace, the external problems do not affect your deep sense of peace and tranquility...Without this inner peace, no matter how comfortable your life is materially, you may still be worried, disturbed, or unhappy because of circumstances."

--Dalai Lama

"In the root and stem of your own psyche, there is an accumulation of bad habits. If you cannot see through them and act independently of them, you will unavoidably get bogged down along the way."

--Yuansou

"We spend most of our time and energy in a kind of horizontal thinking. We move along the surface of things...but there are times when we stop. We sit still. We lose ourselves in a pile of leaves or its memory. We listen, and breezes from a whole other world begin to whisper."

--James Carroll

The Paradox of Natural Mothering

2009-07-18T14:47:00.008-05:00

I'm getting ready to go out of town and prepping a couple of posts to post when I'm away (be prepared for lots more Zen quotes!). I haven't had a lot of time for this blog lately and continue to go back and forth about keeping it going. I always end up returning to the decision to keep it going, because I do enjoy it, in theory. I do not like that it becomes another thing on my to-do list and feels like an obligation, rather than fun. (This is how I work though, I turn everything into a serious "job" instead of "just for fun" and if I don't do something that I've committed to doing--even if only to myself on a hobby basis, like "update blog on Saturdays"--I feel irresponsible and it nags and nags at me mentally until I do it or QUIT for good. Though I laugh a lot in real life, I also tend to be one of those "all work, no play" kind of people who doesn't really know how to "relax and have a good time"--and, am actually kind of irritated by those who blow everything off to relax and have a good time! Note that I have to even put the possibility of "relaxing and having a good time" in quotation marks, because at heart I'm not sure it is actually possible ;-)

Part of my problem with this blog is that I have tons and tons of thoughts about everything I read and many things I'd like to draw out to write about and explore. I rarely have time to post as completely as I'd like though and, in fact, I'm actually trying hard to just post a paragraph or less per book so that I don't end up with a giant backlog in my to-blog-about pile, but I still feel like I'd like to do a lot more analysis than I do here--I always have so many quotes marked to share and then have to quit before I get a chance to share them. My to-blog-about pile is still insane--I move books out of it fairly quickly, but I have masses of magazines and articles I am meaning to write about and they lurk and make me feel guilty (totally and completely self-imposed! What is wrong with me?!)

In other news, this was a good week for publications for me. I've posted several other places about them, but why not here too?!

I had a short article called Centering for Birth published in the International Journal of Childbirth Education (page 20)

My book review of Fathers at Birth was published in The CAPPA Quarterly (page 14).

My film review of Birth as We Know It was in The CAPPA Quarterly (page 15).

And, my piece of creative nonfiction Nursing Johnny Depp was published in Literary Mama. I had more feedback from this essay than I've ever had about any of my other writing, combined! This was my 85th publication (up to 89 total now! Yes, I keep a list!). I think I got so many comments because it was so readily available online. It was also a funny piece, which is not my usual type of writing. The experiences described in it are from over a year ago and they accepted it for publication about 6 months ago, so this was a long time coming. In reading it again, I'm glad I wrote it because it has captured some moments in time that are past now. Z rarely asks me to nurse any toys for him anymore and if I hadn't written the essay, something would have been lost.

Okay, after some complaining and some bragging, I had a few books to post about today:

I re-read The Paradox of Natural Mothering. I really enjoy this book. Lots of food for thought. It is a little uncomfortable to read too because she is so spot-on in her analysis of mothers like me. It is strange to feel "under the microscope." The author herself is a "quasi-natural mother," so the analysis isn't harsh criticism, but it is a critical look at the "cult" (my word, not hers) of natural mothering and has a LOT of excellent discussion about feminism and natural mothering. I've been amassing a lot of things I'd like to share about feminism and birth and motherhood, but this is one of those takes-too-long-to-completely-delve into things that I may never get a chance to do :( She says--and I completely agree--that natural mothering represents the intersection of three ideological frameworks: voluntary simplicity, attachment parenting, and cultural feminism. Anyway, hopefully I will someday share some more of my thoughts about this book. It is definitely worth the read!

I also finished reading Homebirth in the Hospital. I am reviewing it for CfM News and I already wrote a bit about it there yesterday.

See? That's all I can manage for today and the push-pull between enjoying the idea behind this blog/wanting to share my reads and feeling like it is another drag on my time and resources continues...

I guess if I'd wasted less time complaining at the beginning, I would have had more time for book-analyzing!

54

Present Moment

2009-07-11T13:07:00.003-05:00

"If we could see the miracle
of a single flower clearly,
our whole life would change."

--Buddha

"Our true home is in the present moment.
To live in the present moment is a miracle.
The miracle is not to walk on water.
The miracle is to walk on the green Earth
in the present moment, to appreciate the peace and
beauty that are available now."

--Thich Nhat Hanh

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering

2009-07-04T13:18:00.004-05:00

This week I finished reading a couple of books. I'd looked forward to reading Sarah Buckley's Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering for a long time. It used to only be available from Australia and the shipping was prohibitive. The U.S. edition came out this past edition and I finally bought it for myself. It was a good book, don't get me wrong, but a lot less creative/inspirational/unconventional than I expected. I was expecting one of those phenomenal birth books that really "goes beyond," but much of the content was a review of the literature/research basically and was actually fairly dry. I loved reading her birth story and her placenta story and her breastfeeding story. There was good evidence-based information about several topics--gestational diabetes, GBS, VBAC, cord clamping, for example--that will definitely make it into my birth blog posts. It is definitely a book worth having. It also seems to be written for the first-time mother who perhaps has had little prior exposure to/information about evidence-based maternity care.

I also finished reading Mother Blessings: Honoring Women Becoming Mothers, which was one of my birthday presents this year from my mom. I'm going to a mother blessing tomorrow, so this was a timely read :) It had a couple of new ideas in it for me like making "birth dolls" together (cool!) and also a family mandala project that sounded really neat (I think I will do it with my kids instead of at a mother blessing).

And, I finished reading The Answer: Making Sense of Life, One Question at a Time. Sections were interesting, but overall I found it kind of "shallow." The author made extensive pop-culture references that I found kind of self-conscious and forced--like, "look how hip I am!" or something. You couldn't go more than two pages without the SAME SENTENCE--"as XYZ musician might sing...[lyrics related to the life question at hand]." Lots of references to tv shows, movie dialog, etc. It grated on my nerves. The central idea was cool though--life is a question and you are an answer--and the author had some good insights to share as well. In the section about "am I missing something?" (which I identified with--that urge to stay "caught up" and make sure I'm not missing anything important!) she said after mentioning Schubert's Eighth Symphony (The Unfinished Symphony), "Because you are full of unlimited potential you will always have more music in you, and yet what you have already composed can stand on its own if you're willing to let it." (emphasis mine). As you may recall, one of my favorite quotes is about not dying with you music still in you. I loved this reminder about what I've already composed :)

That's all I have time for today! Time for 4th of July BBQ, cotton candy, and fireworks!

52

Bearing Meaning

2009-06-27T10:36:00.000-05:00

Last week I finished reading Bearing Meaning: The Language of Birth by Robbie Pfeufer Kahn. This had been on my wishlist for ages and I was excited to read it. As it goes with most dissertations-turned-books, it was a somewhat dense and heavy read and I worked through it kind of slowly. I've quoted from it on the CfM blog already and plan to also write about it on Talk Birth. I enjoyed it, but it was different than I expected. I was looking for an analysis of the language used surrounding birth and though I suppose the book addressed that, it was more about the embodied connection between mother and baby and how that is denied/suppressed/ignored/thwarted. So, interesting, but not quite what the title let me to believe. There was an extensive analysis of Williams Obstetrics and also of Our Bodies, Ourselves (and the contrast between the two books attitudes towards the female body).

She also talks about the term "womanist," which I've always liked (comes from Alice Walker), as an more inclusive definition of feminist: "Womanist acknowledges women like the early activists who honor the maternal body ('roundness') within 'women's culture'...a womanist woman experiences the maternal body ('loves roundness') as connected to nature ('Loves the Moon') and the divine ('Loves the Spirit')."

I also finished reading Sheila Kitzinger's Education and Counseling for Childbirth. I'm going to write about it on the ICEA blog.

At least I managed to make a post this week, albiet an incomplete one. I'm working on an article right now that needs to be submitted by the 30th, plus working on some book reviews for a journal, so my writing energy is diverted in those directions...

49

Zen Again...

2009-06-20T09:15:00.003-05:00

Today I entered to win a cool sling from Nature's Child (if you would like to enter too--click here). One can never have too many slings! I "won" a Hotslings pouch at the silent auction at the LLL conference last weekend ($6) and was happy about that.

I did finish several books this week, but all I have time for is some Zen calendar quotes (again! I'm starting to go through my semi-regular, "perhaps I should retire this blog/what's the point" thoughts):

"Nature teaches more than she preaches. There are no sermons in stones. It is easier to get a spark out of a stone than a moral."

--John Burroughs

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."

--Anne Frank

Outliers

2009-06-17T16:56:00.006-05:00

Our June book club read was Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. Ostensibly, "the story of success" I felt like the book was sort of hastily written, shallowly explored, and sort of lacking a main point that I expected to read about--"what is success anyway?"

Instead, it is a a semi-random seeming look at several individual people and groups of people and the reasons behind their "success":

"I want to convince you that these kinds of personal explanations [pull himself up by his bootstraps] of success don't work. People don't rise from nothing. We do owe something to parentage and patronage. The people who stand before kings may look like they did it all by themselves. But in fact they are invariably the beneficiaries of hidden advantages and extraordinary opportunities and cultural legacies that allow them to learn and work hard and make sens eof the world in ways others cannot. It makes a difference where and when we grew up. The cutlure we belong to and the legacies passed won by our forebears shape the patterns of our achievment in ways we cannot begin to imagine. It's not enough to ask what successful people are like, in other words,. It is only by asking where they are from that we can unravel the logic behind who succeds and who doesn't.

Biologists often talk about the 'ecology' of an organism: the tallest oak in the forest is the tallest not just because it grew from the hardist acorn; it is the tallest also because no other trees blocked its sunlight, the soil around it was deep and rich, no rabbit chewed through its bark as a sapling, and no lumberjack cut it down before it matured. We all know that successful people come from hardy seeds. But do we know enough about the sunlight that warmed them, the soil in which they put down the roots, and the rabbits and lumberjacks they ere lucky enough to avoid? This is not a book about tall trees. It's a book about forests..."

I guess I get a little bored by forests, because my eyes started to glaze a bit when he began to analyze the birth dates of successful hockey players and the cultural background of plane-crashing-pilots...

He did have some things to say about meaningful work, which I'm always interested in: "Work that fulfills those three criteria [complexity, autonomy, and relationship between effort and reward] is meaningful. Being a teacher is meaningful. Being a physician is meaningful. So is being an entrepreneur...Hard work is a prison sentence on if it does not have meaning."

More about the hard work--a sentiment that I actually take some issue with: "But a belief in work ought to be a thing of beauty. Virtually every success story we've seen in this book so far involves someone or some group working harder than their peers...Working really hard is what successful people do..."

And I really start to take some issue with his opinions about hard work and public education: "'We had a girl in this class...She was a horrible math student in fifth grade. She cried every Saturday when we did remedial stuff. Huge tears and tears...She just e-mailed us a couple of weeks ago. She's in college now. She's an accounting major." I get stuck a little on this--so it is a "success" to make a child cry and cry over work she hates if she then ends up majoring in a related field? (and my question is also, did she choose accounting because she actually likes it, or because she was trained to think it was a "successful" field and that she would make more money in it...)

The conclusion too made me stumble (and this is where I find the book really lacking in a critical assessment of any kind as to what constitutes success--the title would suggest we're only talking about the cream of the crop. The truly extraordinary. The very unusual successes. And, yes, there is the obligatory Bill Gates analysis included therein. But, it also talks about "the success of Asians at math" and about hockey players, so...): "...how many more would now live a life of fulfillment, in a beautiful house high on a hill?"

That's it. The last line in the book. Is that the culmination of success? A beautiful house high on a hill? I think success is more multifaceted than that. And, it also depends a great deal on what value system you are coming from as what constitutes success--my own value system does NOT agree that working 360 days a year is the best road to success. (One of his quotes was a proverb about anyone who works 360 days a year cannot fail to make his family rich.) If you are "addicted" to your computer (or whatever) and slaving away to be the "top" of your field, how are your relationships doing? I'd venture to say poorly. It reminded me of The Last Lecture in that perhaps this is a "male" lens with which to view success--hard work, lots of money. Other research has shown that women "tend and befriend," so perhaps that is why I consider quality of relationship part of my own definition of success.

I have LOTS more I'd like to say and other thoughts that I had, but this will suffice for now and I doubt I will end up having time to come back and add to this post. So, this analysis/exploration this will remain imperfect and incomplete, but so be it!

47

Yes...

2009-06-13T12:33:00.001-05:00

I'm going to be out of town this weekend at a conference and thus unable to post about any books (weirdly though, I haven't finished ANY this week--I'm in the middle of several).

So, all I have to offer this week are some quotes from last year's Zen calendar:

"So let your awareness be vast and inclusive as if the whole world is taking plac einside your mind. Hear everything, see everything, feel everything with this simple greeting on your lips 'Yes.'"

--Gary Rosenthal

"A happy life consists of tranquility of mind."
--Cicero

"You shouldn't allow yourself
to be confused by others.
Act when you need to,
without further hesitation or doubt.
People today can't do this.
What is their affliction?
Their affliction is in their
lack of self-confidence."
--Linji

Diplomats and Breastfeeding

2009-06-10T12:28:00.005-05:00

I had an interesting dream last night that I feel inspired to post about. I was in a sort of waiting room area with quite a few people in it including my sister-in-law and also a Diplomat (distinguished older gentleman with gray hair). Z wanted to nurse and so I picked him up and then turned slightly away from the diplomat in order to start nursing him. My sister-in-law said something like, "I see you're trying to hide from everyone. I can't believe you're STILL breastfeeding him." The diplomat then said, "at the Embassy we have an old saying: we work together as smoothly and comfortably as a good latch."

LOL! My dreaming brain cracks me up :)

Small openings...

2009-06-03T12:11:00.003-05:00

A couple of weeks ago at the church, the topic was "The Purpose Driven Life, or: Why Do You Get Up in the Morning?" (originally a sermon given at the UU church of Fort Myers, FL). Anyway, I liked how it opened: "The above question stirs in that 'frighteningly honest' 'small opening into the new day which closes the moment you begin your plans.' How you answer it is what gets you going, keeps you focused, and convinces you life's worth all the effort." I realized that I rarely get a chance to notice that "small opening" in the new day any more--I have to hop up and get down to work too quickly. What I've observed in the past is that each day dawns with a sense of optimism and promise and like, "the world is spread out before me and what a wonderful place it is!" but that I can quickly get derailed or lose that sense of "wonder" and get bogged in minutinae (which reminds to remember my "elimination of nonessentials" quote from a few posts ago--it is my new favorite quote to help keep me on track).

Birth, I think I will talk about birth...

2009-05-30T22:28:00.000-05:00

I haven't gotten over my most recent birth books kick (though I'm always interested in birth, I I go through phases where I read a ton of birth books and then get kind of "done" and read about other subjects instead). So during the past week (and last) I finished reading:

Open Season--A book from the 90's about VBAC. I really enjoyed this one. As I mentioned on Facebook, Nancy Wainer has often been critiqued as "too angry." Well, I guess I like angry, because I thought it was a great book! I didn't see it as angry, but as firey and passionate and I like those things! As someone pointed out to me on Facebook, anger can burn people out and can cause relationship issues. I do not feel like an angry person myself (though a passionate one), so I'll "enjoy" it from afar :) In the introduction she actually referenced the whole angry thing and said something that I really liked [addressing those who would dismiss her work as "angry"]--"Don't bite my finger, look where I'm pointing!" The book read more like a manifesto or treatise or philosophy than a "guidebook" per se--not very much practical information. Lots of ideas, theory, and beliefs. I marked MANY pages to quote from, but today is just a sum-up-and-post day! Oh wait, here was a good one though: "If childbirth classes really 'worked,' more women would be having babies without interference. More women would be recognizing the complete naturalness of birth and would remain at home, delivering their infants with feelings of confidence and trust. More and more, midwives would be demanded. The names of those hospitals and doctors who treated women and babies with anything less than absolute respect would be public knowledge, and childbirth classes would be the first place these names would be discussed. 'You're seeing What's-His-Face? He's a pig! In my opinion, of course,' I tell people who come to my classes. I then proceed to give them the names of people who have used Pig-face. They can always ask Dr. P. for the names of people who have used him and been satisfied with their births, for balance."

Woman-Centered Pregnancy & Birth--had never heard of this one until reading the above and promptly bought this one as well. I was attracted by the title, because I consider my birth classes to be rooted in a "woman-centered model." However, it was much more of a basic pregnancy and birth book than I expected (I guess coming from a woman-centered perspective though?), so it was less theory and treatise and more, "here is how to examine your cervix and this is what it looks like at different points in your cycle." I actually ended up skimming it a bit, which is rare for me, but it was "elementary" for me and/or technically outdated.

Teaching Natural Birth--This one was interesting (also an older book--not only am I on a birth books kick, I'm on an older birth books kick!). It wasn't a book of teaching tips or even "how to teach," but was more of a business structure book (handling inquiry calls, buying teaching aids, that sort of thing). Pretty unique in the birth book world, really. The author is very religious and there were religious references liberally scattered throughout.

I also finished reading Birth Tides: Turning Towards Homebirth, which I've been reading for quite some time (it isn't that engaging--reads like an ongoing research project or dissertation). It is a 1995 book about homebirth in Ireland. One thing I found amusing was that one of the benefits of homebirth was "being able to have a cigarette whenever you want in labor." LOL! I don't think we'd see that in a book now!

I finally bought my own copy of the film Birth Day and watched that recently. My doula trainer referred to it as a "juicy" birth film. It is a nice one. I really enjoy it. The actual video is only like 11 minutes, but there are lots of "special features" on it as well (interview clips)

Finally, I read Down Came the Rain from the library. This is Brooke Shields' memoir about postpartum depression. It was interesting, though not particularly well-written and though it was a "personal" book, I found it hard to connect emotionally with the author/story--she seemed "distant" somehow.

46

My Baby is Three!

2009-05-29T07:08:00.005-05:00

I can hardly believe it, but my little Z is three today! I am having a book g iveaway on the CfM blog in honor of this occasion.

Here he was three years ago today:

Here he is now (all pix taken by L actually!):

Speaking of birthdays, here is the birthday cake my friend made for my 30th birthday this year (it is based on one of my scrabble tile pendants with a catch-your -own-baby image created by my talented husband).

I'm so Zen...

2009-05-23T22:36:00.003-05:00

I read several books this week, but alas, my time for blogging today has evaporated, so I'm going to share three quotes from my Zen calendar. I carefully picked these out, because they contain important reminders/lessons for me (lately I feel like my life has accelerated even more and I'm scrambling to stay "on top" of everything--however, perhaps it is also Zen to accept this as part of the natural ebbs and flows of life...):

"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is a nobler art of leaving things undone...The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials."

Lin Yutang

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."

Lao-tzu

"Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed."

--Corita Kent

Homeschooling

2009-05-16T23:06:00.005-05:00

The current issue of Natural Life magazine has some more good homeschooling articles in it (the last two issues have had some really good ones as well. I hadn't been planning to renew my subscription, but I think I'm changing my mind!). The first was called "Education is Not Something That's Done to You" and it addresses the (false) assumption that learning "can and should be produced in people." (emphasis mine) It addresses the assumption that children won't learn on their own, but must be made to learn by being kept in confinement with others their own age day in and day out. She notes that even homeschoolers often fall into the trap of thinking education must be "done to" children. I marked the conclusion to share: "What we should not do is create new schools--be they charter schools, private schools, or home schools--which perpetuate old assumptions of how children learn or who controls children's learning." I have to remind myself of this sometimes--if I start to feel like L "should" be doing something specific, or "most 5 year olds can XYZ..." or if someone asks him if he's in school or remarks on how "is your mommy or your daddy your teacher," that I reject that *system*--why would I try to use its values to define our experiences?

The other article was a cool one called The Hand that Rocks the Cradle Rocks the Boat: Life learning as the ultimate feminist act. In it, the author quotes social commentator Susan Maushart as asserting that "motherhood needs to be at the center of human society, from which all social and economic life should spin. Society needs to 'acknowledge that bearing and raising children is not some pesky, peripheral activity we engage in, but the whole point,'...Warehousing kids in daycare or school so mothers can get on with what they see as their real lives is not part of that vision, but we need to find ways to ensure economic security for women of all classes, and extend the vision to include fathers as well."

Speaking of feminism and homeschooling, I had an epiphany this week. I am facilitating a women's spirituality workshop and the theme of this week's session was "womanpower." A point was emphasized several times that in feminism the view of power is different. A patriarchal view of power is that of "power over" or control over--you have power, someone else doesn't. You can use your power to control others, or to take their power away, etc. A feminist view of power is of cooperation--"power with" as well as inner power. When you have inner power, you do not need power over someone else. A hierarchical version of power falls away and is unnecessary. I reflected on the times I have heard women say, "I'm not a feminist, but..." and how I've always *boggled* at that. How can you NOT be a feminist, I'd wonder. Now, I think it is because of a misinterpretation of values--an interpretation that views feminism as wanting to "take over" or to "dominate" men or to prove that "women are better than men." This is flaw in understanding--using a worldview rooted in "power over" concepts, instead of a totally different worldview or a reinvention of how society operates/what it's values are. My epiphany is that this is just like homeschooling--you can't use the "lens" of public school to understand homeschooling and you can't use the "lens" of patriarchy to understand feminism. These different lenses are why you feel like you are banging your head against something when you speak to someone who is coming from a fundamental misinterpretation of the values at work. Feminism and homeschooling both involve alternate value systems to that of mainstream society and a revisioning of social structures into new kinds of systems (healthier ones).

The previous issue of Natural Life had an interesting article about free schools called U of Free. Some points I liked: "most come with the free school philosophy of solely pursuing an interest, rather than for a degree or other recognition of knowledge. They resist the consumer-driven mentality sweeping traditional schools, where students vie for exam hints and quick solutions to get to the next step, with their ultimate goal being an exit out – their graduation. At Anarchist U, the students are all about learning itself. Without the pressure of exams and marks, students can relax and savor their learning moments."

And on the same topic: "In his classes at U of T, he encounters a chorus of students whose sing-song refrain 'is this on the exam?' puts his pedagogical ideals out of tune. The classroom conductor laments that these U of T students are looking for a quick study guide 'because they need the credit from my class to get the piece of paper.' Instead of enjoying the educational experience, his students are disengaged, shrewdly seeking the quickest route out of the system."

If I am indeed going to be teaching college classes within the next year, the above is something I feel worried about coping with--I want to work with people who are excited to learn, not people who are trying to just get the grade and get out. I see this as the whole point of homeschooling/unschooling--to create a way of life that involves learning for intrinsic reasons, not extrinsic ones. This was very much true for me as a homeschooler and I carried it over into college--I didn't understand why people were there for other reasons than to learn. It didn't make any sense to me to hear someone recommend a class because it was an "easy A" (but had a teacher who was so boring and so pointless as to make you wish to be unconscious under a rock rather than listen to him any longer). What is the point of an easy A?! Hello! It also didn't make sense to me to have to take classes that I wasn't interested in (and I did have to do this), but I made the best of them by studying the stuff and trying to get it/like it. Someone at our craft camp this year expressed surprise that I was "self-taught" at the classes I was teaching--"so, you just learned this by teaching yourself?" Yes! Why? Because I like to learn stuff--no one has to make me do it or show me how! I study and learn things all of the time, because I like it. I'm a very self-motivated, self-disciplined, self-directed person and credit that to my homeschooled/unschooled background (thanks, Mom!). I had a friend tell me a while ago that if "no one is making me do it, I won't do it/learn it." I thought that was incredibly sad as well as incredibly telling about the drawbacks of our current social methods of education as something that is "done to" people, rather than a self-directed process.

Okay, whew! Time for bed!

Prep

2009-05-16T22:20:00.002-05:00

I didn't post last week because my power was out as a result of a "derecho" in our area. I did finish reading a fiction book called Prep (thanks, Hope!), by the dim light of my book light while lying on the floor in the dark house. I was oddly entranced by the book, though every time I put it down I would say, "I should just quit reading this, I'm not getting anything out of it." It was about a teenage girl attending boarding school on a scholarship. She is intensely self-conscious and pretty much just spends her time analyzing other people and thinking about herself/her personal issues as well as mooning after a jerky boy she barely knows but loves. This makes the book sound much more shallow than it actually was--it was a very developed book and really intensive as far as angst/emotional content/in-the-character's-head. There was an almost painful authenticity to the narration. A look at what (possibly) goes on inside people's heads, really--"ugly," weird, socially anxious stuff, that you don't see on the surface. Though the book is about teenagers, it was written for adults. I found it kind of depressing overall, but also liked it, so...

41

Journey Into Motherhood

2009-05-04T16:16:00.004-05:00

I didn't get a chance to make my usual Saturday post because my internet connection was down. So, now I have time for a few brief words:

I read: Journey into Motherhoodby Sheri Menelli. This is a phenomenal collection of inspiring birth stories. I love it! Plus, you can download it from her site as a free e-book. I really recommend this one!

I also read New Moon (second Twilight book). This one was pretty bad. I'm not sure if I will read the others now! An example quote: "At least I could be with him again before I died. That was better than a long life." PUH-LEEZE!

Plus, I finished Brought to Bed: Childbearing in America 1750-1950. This one took me a little while to wade through and is didn't "hook" me enough to keep me coming back to it rather than starting (and finishing) other books while reading it. It was interesting though. As it sounds it was basically a history of childbirth in America during those years. It really explores the move from home to hospital and themes like women's social power in the birth room and over birthing in general (and how that was given away after the move to the hospital, but also, how women *wanted* to go to the hospital and advocated heavily for pain medications, etc.) I will be writing more about it on CfM.

Last but not least, I got BIRTH (the book version of Karen Brody's play) for my birthday yesterday and read it last night. It was a quick read. I wish I could see the actual play, because reading it is just not the same. It did make me want to perform it though! It was good.

40

All the Gifts of Life

2009-04-29T20:26:00.005-05:00

I borrowed two books from my church last week and read them both over the weekend (both were quick little books). The first was Notes to Myself: My struggle to become a person by Hugh Prather. It was so-so. In keeping with my previous post about identity, selfhood/selflessness, personality, etc., I marked several relevant quotes to share:

"While I am worrying about what you think of me I am not open to you, I am not letting you in; in fact, I am not letting you exist as a person--I am making you my mirror. While I am concerned with what you are thinking about me I am not even thinking about you."

"I learn most about myself by observing myself in relation to others. When I examine myself by myself I am actually examining the results of a previous encounter. Perceptions are not of things but of relationships. Nothing, including me, exists by itself--this is an illusion of words. I am a relationship, ever-expanding."

"People in cars passing by my car, people walking past me on the street, someone leaving a shop as I enter, Gayle coming through the door from work, Willie getting his mail as I get mine, and with each one of these little brushings-against, these encounters big and small, I leave something behind. If I can feel what I pick up from them, certainly on some level they can feel my state also. What, then, is the trail behind me composed of? Does not this 'gift to the world,' by its very enormity, outweigh all others?"

I have a particular interest (and a complicated partially written essay) about gratitude and "you're so lucky" type comments, so I also marked a quote about that:

"The thought, 'You're lucky, it could have been worse,' is the kind of gratitude I can do without. It also could have been better, or actually, it couldn't have been any other way than the way it was."

The second book was All the Gifts of Life. It was a collection of short essays/meditations by a couple of different UU authors. One was about "detachment" and whether it is desirable or not:

"It is only through our detachment that we are able to rend the ozone layer, poison the air and the seas, exterminate whole species of animals, and burn the rain forests. There are times when some detachment is appropriate and necessary. But the greatest source of evil in our time may be that we are too detached from people, and too detached from the earth. If we meet everything objectively, then there is no sacredness and no mystery."

I thought this was an interesting twist--people are often urged to "be objective" and it is interesting to consider what kind of detachment that promotes.

The second page I marked was kind of a take-off of the classic Ecclesiastes "for everything there is a season...":

The Light can represent the light of Spirit that ebbs and flows inside us as we feel sometimes drained and dusty, and other times energetic, enthusiastic, and supple. Some times in our lives are spirited times and others are dispirited times. As we contemplate the meanings of the dark times and the light times, the earth-based traditions would caution us against using The Dark as a symbol for all that is negative. If we use 'darkness' to speak about ignorance, depression, and evil, we speak as if it would be best to have no darkness at all, to have light all the time. That would be awful. there is a season for dark and a season for light.

Is it possible then that there is a time to feel energetic and a time to feel drained in the rhythm of life? A time to let life and energy flow outward from you, and a time for it to flow inward? Maybe the ebb and flow of Spirit is a rhythm that is good to feel. Maybe in our growing into wholeness there is a time to feel dusty and dry, 'hard as iron' like the winter ground, and stony as winter water. Maybe instead of worrying and suffering over those feelings we could settle into them, knowing that there is a time for cold and time for warmth, a time to be energetic and a time to rest, a time to grow and a time to stay where you are, a time for the light of reason and a time for other ways of knowing. Maybe we could walk in beauty and balance more easily if we could welcome the dark time, trusting that when it reaches its full strength, things will begin their tilt back in the other direction. Nothing stays the same in the flow of things. All things seek their balance and their rhythm. The wheel will always turn...

Zen Quotes

2009-04-25T08:31:00.000-05:00

I'm gone this week, so I've set up to post some saved quotes from my trusty $1 Shop Zen calendar from last year:

"It is not length of life, but depth of life."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A contented mind is a hidden treasure, and trouble findeth it not."

--Akhenaton

"Do you imagine the universe is agitated? Go into the desert at night and look at the stars. This practice should answer the question."

--Lao-tzu

And one that makes me think of the birth culture in the United States:

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

--Krishnamurti

The Fox Woman

2009-04-18T14:24:00.005-05:00

Just a few minutes ago I finished reading The Fox Woman, our book club read for May (should have waited a little longer to read it, because I may possibly forget it all by the time the end of May rolls around!). Short version: this book is a retelling of a Japanese fairy tale about a fox that becomes a woman in order to sort of "trap" the man she loves into being with her (the "fox magic" creates a sort of illusory world that he lives in with her for 10 years, but to the outside world it is only 3 months and he is living in a fox den that is all dirty and so forth--the magic makes him think he is in a fancy house). It was unclear to me at the end, but I believe she was staying a woman at the end of the book. It was very engaging, though I didn't really bond with the characters specifically--a lot of the book was about identity and knowing oneself and as such, you didn't really get to "know" the characters (because they didn't really 'know" themselves and their relationships were based on illusion and lies or "masks" that people present to try to be perfect, not reality). The story shifts back and forth between three narrators (the fox, the man, and his human wife).

A couple of quotes I marked from it:

"...when I am so alone, I do not have to be any of these things. For this moment, I am wholly myself, unshaped by the needs of others, by their dreams or expectations or sensibilities. But I am also lonely. With no one to shape me, who stands here watching the moon, or the stars, or the clouds. I feel insubstantial, as if the wind might suddenly dissolve me, like a weak mist."

Of course one about birth :) (this is the fox woman while pregnant):

"...I knew in my blood and bones that pregnancy was not supposed to be a complicated thing. One got pregnant and continued to hunt and sleep and eat. One prepared several dens, and when the time came one crawled into one of them, and after a small amount of pain, one delivered one or two or three or four kits..."

After she becomes a woman and marries the man: "A woman's life is shadows and waiting."

After the man is found my his human wife and goes back to that world/life: "Life is better lived as an adventure than as a work of art, I think."

When the fox woman is talking to a goddess about "but what will happen?" in the future/to her, etc.: "'Live and find out. Life guarantees nothing, not even itself.'"

And the conclusion: "None of us...are human unless and until we claim it for ourselves....and our lives become the poems we were born to tell."

29

The Pink Kit

2009-04-11T14:29:00.004-05:00

Last week I finished reading all the written materials for The Pink Kit (Common Knowledge Trust, New Zealand). I also listened to the CD and watched about half the DVD. (I have trouble making room in my life to watch things--I ALWAYS have time to read things, but things to watch sit for months without being looked at.)

I enjoyed the materials overall and got some ideas of things to use in classes. The emphasis is on pelvic bodywork and the focus is primarily on getting to know your pelvis--both the bony pelvis and the "soft pelvis" (the soft tissue structures connected to the pelvis). The Pink Kit teaches you how to "map" your pelvis and explore the structures. It also covers material on breath work, touch, and communication. As I mentioned there is a DVD and a CD. There is also a short book (that is basically an overview of the program--it isn't really a stand alone). Plus, there are three more pdf books on a CD: New Focus: Breath, Language, & Touch; Managing Skills; and Companion Guide. New Focus was my favorite and the most useful, I think. I printed each one of these out and used my burgeoning book-binding skills to "perfect bind" each one into a real book, instead of putting them in a binder. I even took a picture to share :)
My only complaint was that there was a heavy emphasis on "managing birth well" and "staying in control" and "using your skills." I have a more "organic"--"do what feels right to you" philosophy, instead of a "there's a right way to give birth and if you 'train' properly, you will do it right." (I did appreciate their stance that these "skills" can be used by all women in all circumstances and all types of births--they are not only for one specific setting or type of birth. i.e. knowing about how the pelvis works and about how to calm yourself with your breath, is still valuable with a cesarean birth experience.) There were comments made about not "moaning or groaning" or "wasting energy" by making noise--I feel much differently about noise in labor! Moan and groan all you want! It is useful! To be clear, the Kit does frequently mention that birth is not controllable and things like that, but I felt an overlay of "prepare properly"--there's a "right way" to work through birth and manage yourself well...

I shared some quotes from the book on my birth blog about birth as a rite of passage.

This is all I have time to write about this week (I did read two other books, but alas, they will have to keep waiting!).

28

Homebirth Books

2009-04-04T20:11:00.006-05:00

"Be sure to share your story. There is no shortage of fear-mongering and simply unhelpful advice when it comes to birth. As fathers, we need to make birth a part of the masculine dialogue."

So concludes the new book I just finished tonight called The Father's Home Birth Handbook. The book was published in Scotland and is a nice addition to the information available to fathers-to-be. It was written by a woman, but contains ample quotes from fathers (like the one above) and has a lot of interesting birth stories all written by the fathers. It was a quick read and a good one.

This week I also read Midwifery Today's short book The Heart & Science of Homebirth. This book is a collection of reprinted articles from Midwifery Today, The Birthkit, Birth, and the AIMS Journal. So, I'd read a couple of the articles already, but not all of them.

I've run out of time this week to blog properly, so this quick entry is all I'm going to be able to post!

26

Mother Nature

2009-03-28T14:51:00.004-05:00

Reviewed a new little booklet this week called Mother Nature. It is a quick introduction to some attachment parenting concepts and would make a nice gift for a pregnant person. I liked this quote from the opening section:

"This is the stuff no one wants to say: motherhood can be confusing, isolating, lonely, relentless. Motherhood can grind your illusions to dust. Motherhood can grind you to dust...Motherhood has also been an immense blessing, a joy, a healing, a sitcom. My children are gifts, arrows that point to truths I sometimes don't want to see."

When my first was a baby I used to say that I felt like I'd been chewed up and my bones spit out. Fortunately, the second baby was a more pleasant adaptation :)

I also read through the Birthing From Within Keepsake Journal this week. I'm always seeking new ideas for my classes. (I got The Pink Kit this week for the same reason, but haven't finished going through all of it yet.) I think it is quite likely that I spend more money on resources for teaching birth classes than I actually make teaching them...this will change though! My classes have really picked up this year--I'm actually busy with them and have frequent inquiries--so I think it will continue to build from here.

I have lots more to write about it, but I have other things on my list today that are more important, so I'll have to finish up with this quote from Oregon Humanities (the issue's topic was Civility): "Additionally, people wrongly assume that the majority of those around them share their viewpoints on a variety of issues. 'People are only listening to people who agree with them,'...'It's a cognitive error.' Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as the False Consensus Effect, in which we think everyone agrees with our viewpoints. By thinking we are surrounded by like-minded people, we are likely to be jarred by any conflict with those who disagree with us, and we are less willing to welcome and engage in conflict." (The rest of the article is about why conflict--and civil conversations about disagreeing viewpoints--is very important. We avoid conflicting opinions because we do not want to risk disconfirmation--our sense of self is tied up with closely held beliefs and we can't handle the challenge to that and so choose to interact with people who share our views, or who we think share our views, rather than taking up "an important opportunity to develop a more nuanced understanding of the world.") I've observed this Effect at playgroup, church, and other settings--it is uncomfortable to be on the other side of the False Consensus Effect (i.e. the person assumes I agree with them when I really don't) and I rarely let anyone know that that is what happening. I'm sure the reverse is also true--that I assume those around me agree with my ideas, when really they may just be uncomfortably avoiding a "conflict" or challenge to my viewpoint. This publication is very thought-provoking and I recommend it--you don't have to live in Oregon to benefit from it (I don't live in Oregon!).

24

Periodicals

2009-03-21T16:33:00.006-05:00

Continuing my Janet Evanovich kick this week (my mom keeps checking them out of the library & then passing them along to me), I read Lean, Mean Thirteen. And, it was actually the only book I read. This is primarily because it is March now and along with nice weather, the spring issues of the various quarterly publications I subscribe to have also been arriving! So, I've been reading all of those instead of books. I got Brain, Child, which I always adore. One of the things I enjoy about it (I enjoy this about Hip Mama too, which I also got and read recently) is that it explores subjects/experiences that are totally outside of my own realm of experience. I love the window into other people's lives/worlds. So anyway, this Brain, Child issue had an article in it about noncustodial mothers. One of the things it addressed was the reasons why some mothers do not have physical custody of their children and how the snap judgment seems to always be that she must have been neglectful, or abusive, or drug addicted, or have run away to "find herself," when the reality is often more mundane and/or complicated than that. In other words, there are lots of mothers who do not have physical custody of their children who are not "bad mothers." A comment was made about something that I've observed myself: "A father pushing his child in a stroller draws charmed smiles--Wow, what a great dad, helping out!--from people who wouldn't look twice at a woman behind the stroller, just doing her job." Another article was about "hard partying, tough questions" and addressed how/when to share your messy and/or sordid past with your children (like I said, broadening my horizons!). And yet another was about using bad/inappropriate language around your children. Love this magazine!

I also got my copy of DONA's International Doula with my "Respecting the Birth-Breastfeeding Continuum" article published in it. This was my first publication that was actually a "cover story"/feature on the cover, so that was exciting! :) (Speaking of articles, some issues of the IJCE are online now. The June 2008 issue has my WBW article in it and the September issue has my "Satisfaction with Birth" article in it. And then speaking of breastfeeding and of writing, I wrote a lot about it on CfM this week).

I also got my first issue of The Journal of Perinatal Education (Lamaze's publication) this week. I enjoyed it quite a lot as well. I'm still working my way through this quarter's Midwifery Today and got other publications this week like Oregon Humanities and the Missouri S & T Alumni magazine (two copies of it, I'm not yet sure why...) and Habitat World. I know it doesn't make special sense for me to get Oregon Humanities, but it is actually a really good and interesting publication and I find it thought-provoking.

23

Special Women

2009-03-14T21:00:00.001-05:00

I had a good week this week (except for a very tragic incident with one of our chickens on Thursday that cast a pall over the remainder of of the week :( ). My happiest news was that I got my ICEA exam results on Monday (only a week after having taken the exam) and I passed and am now an ICCE (ICEA Certified Childbirth Educator). I was SO ready for this! I feel a little odd and also free now that I am no longer studying for it. Studying was absorbing a lot of my "free time."

I also got my copies of Midwifery Today with my Birth Lessons from a Chicken essay published in it (the chicken refers to a literal chicken, not to be "chicken" about birth). I'm proud of this one :) This was my third MT publication. Last year, I couldn't even imagine having one! (If anyone wants to read it, I'd be happy to email it to you).

Another high point was finding Obstetric Myths vs. Research Realities at Goodwill, plus some other birth-related books. One of those was Special Women and I read it this week. It was pretty much a description of the role of the "professional labor assistant"and some elements of the business end of doula practice. Not too much "how to" or skills. It was also more of a look at the role of a monitrice, because there seemed to be an assumption that clinical assessments would be part of the labor assistant's role (I think the role of "doula" has been more explicitly clarified as "non-clinical" since this book was written. The edition I was reading was revised in 2000). The book used a hooked diamond pattern symbol throughout (of which the DONA logo is a more stylized version). This is a birth symbol and represents both the uterus and vagina and is apparently a counterpart to the phallic symbol (though less widely known/recognized as such). I just found an article online about it.I also continued my Janet Evanovich kick by reading Plum Lovin'. And then tonight finished reading her Eleven on Top. Again, some fun little treats for me.

Finally, I wanted to mention that in Ode magazine this month I read a letter to the editor mentioning Francis Moore Lappe's book Getting a Grip. "She states that we must call ourselves 'buyers' or 'purchasers' rather than consumers" (because consume means to use up and we have piles in landfills). I thought this was a good reminder.

Okay, I'm not very gifted with words tonight and this is kind of a dullsville post. Oh well! At least I'm staying updated!

22

The Big Book of Birth

2009-03-07T16:43:00.005-06:00

This week I greatly enjoyed reading The Big Book of Birth. It is by Erica Lyon of Realbirth, who I first heard of when I read her awesome quotes in Pushed. Anyway, this was a basic "guide to birth" type of book, so I didn't necessarily learn anything new from it, but I hope that lots of pregnant women pick this one up to read instead of What to Expect. The emphasis of this book was on giving birth, not on pregnancy. The author's writing style was great--very engaging and *real* seeming. It is written in a sassy, lively, conversational sort of style that really made the book very readable and good. There were a variety of birth stories shared (broken up into the "right" chapters, which made it a little hard to follow them sometimes). I did feel sad reading some of them because the mothers didn't seem to *get* in hindsight what had really happened--i.e. "the doctor said the baby was 10 pounds and so a cesarean would make sense" and then baby is born and is 8.5 pounds and there was no further "analysis" about the cesarean being unwarranted.

I have a lot of quotes marked to share on my birthy blogs. Here's a quick one though: "You do not have to be a particularly strong or brave or relaxed woman to get through labor. You just need to be a woman." And then one from one of the birth stories: [in response to someone telling her that she got an epidural because it made the birth so much more peaceful] "I asked myself, Is birth meant to be peaceful? the feeling that I got after my birth was of pure triumph. I felt strong and able..."

I also zoomed through some "dessert"--Janet Evanovich's Twelve Sharp. Funny. Enjoyed it. Felt like a treat.

And on an unrelated note, I've mentioned before that we have cool big rocks on our land (behind our house). Today was a nice day and we went out to visit them!

19

The Last Lecture

2009-02-28T15:18:00.003-06:00

Last night I finished reading our March book club selection, The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. I'd recently seen a video clip from an appearance on Oprah and became interested in reading the book. So, when it was suggested in book club, it was perfect. And, luckily, the library had a copy (large print only, unfortunately).

I actually wonder if I would have enjoyed it more if I had watched the film version, instead of the written version (heresy, I know, for a book-lover like me to say!). Having seen a small portion of his lecture "live," I realized how dynamic and engaging it would have been to see the whole thing instead of reading about it.

At the risk of sounding smug, I feel like I've already figured out a lot of the "lessons" he shared. Actually, one of my guideposts in life--depressing as it may sound--is to ask myself, "if I had a terminal illness, would I still be doing this?" If the answer is "no," I either quit whatever it is, or look for ways to make it more enjoyable/worthwhile. I've long had a semi-obsession with life, death, purpose, passion, and is-this-truly-important/worthwhile. I think it is serving me fairly well, though I do sink into a bit of a spiral of despair sometimes!

From the book, I'd marked two things. From the time management section: "Ask yourself: Are you spending your time on the right things? You may have causes, goals, interests. Are they even worth pursuing?" This is something I constantly consider. I make mistakes, but the "is it worthwhile" evaluative thought process is a guiding light in my life!

The second is something I disagreed with with regard to work habits: "'Wow, you got tenure early,' they'd say to me. 'What's your secret?' I said, 'It's pretty simple. Call me any Friday night in my office at 10:00 and I'll tell you." I don't think that is a healthy approach to life/work balance!

The title of the lecture is about your childhood dreams, so of course I thought about mine and whether I've achieved them. (This is something I've already thought about/worked over when I first became really interested in simple living in about 2001). The ones I remember are:

1. Be a writer.
2. Travel to other countries and help poor and sick people there.
3. Be a librarian.

The first two I actually have written down in a journal from 1991. I perhaps had others, unwritten, that I am not remembering right now.

Anyway, I am a writer. I have not traveled to other countries, but my whole adult life has been centered on social service/social work/community service, so I think that fits with #2. I am not a librarian, but I lend books to my friends like crazy! I also have a lending library for my LLL Group and a personal lending library box of books as well. Just a few months ago, one of my friends was over and I was picking out books to loan her. Her partner said, "getting some new books?" and she said, "yes. And Molly is the BEST librarian EVER!" So, LOL, I think I may have accidentally made #3 come true as well :-) Life is good!

----
Edited on March 2nd. I wrote the post above really quickly and have since had something additional thoughts (prompted in part by a comment left by Nick King, who has a really touching and useful and comprehensive website based on his wife's experience of living with a terminal illness [ALS]).

First, I remembered one more thing that was on my childhood dreams list--actually, it was the first thing on the list, since I was four when I first said it--"be a nurse." Well, I'm not one. And have realized that I could likely never be, primarily because I am WAY too squeamish about blood (though the reasons are really more complicated than just that). However, I think this was an early expression of the "I want to help people" dream that I feel like is a thread running throughout my life. Also, I am deeply involved with pregnancy and birth, which involves some elements of medicine/nursing. And, as a play on words, I am definitely committed to nursing my children!

Second, I recalled one of the exercises that first helped me explore this type of things: Gifts, Dreams, Sorrow, Unlived Lives (be prepared that it opens as a Word document). In 2001, I went back through old journals, reflected on my childhood, talked to my parents, did lots of introspection, took online quizzes, read lots of books, etc. in an effort to figure out my "life purpose." I wrote a life purpose statement at that time after a LOT of inner work and consideration. Miraculously, since my entire life has changed since then, I would not change a single word of my life purpose statement. It still completely and totally applies to me, even though I am 8 years older, have two kids, live in a different town, do a different kind of work, and so forth. I think that means it was an accurate one and that the work I did with myself to develop it was time well spent. I hope to post more about this later, because it something I really really feel deeply about (I also feel very private about actually sharing what my life purpose statement says. It is posted on my wall, but unless you're here looking right at it, I basically never share it directly with anyone. I just share that I have one and I believe deeply that it is something that is worth spending your time with).

Okay, back to the book. I want to clarify that I haven't actually LEARNED the lessons in Pausch's book--I fail A LOT, but I have heard of them and try to apply them :)

Bascially, I have heard a lot of "it changed my life" stories about this book and that was not my experience/reaction. The kinds of things in the book were the kinds of things I've spent a lot of time thinking about--sometimes I think I've done too much thinking!

Finally, the relationship content of his book was very touching. I teared up a lot when he would talk about his wife. There was a hot air balloon story from his honeymoon that made me laugh and cry. And, at the end, when she hugs him after his lecture, it was really sad. So, I feel like my first post was too flippant about the way, or not, in which I was touched by this book. I also think he had a real knack for using story telling/anecdotes to make his points. I would imagine he was a dynamic and engaging professor!

17

Tree of Happiness

2009-02-28T14:31:00.003-06:00

The irrepressible, creative, and always-inspiring mamaroots nominated my blog for a Tree of Happiness Award :)

In turn, I'd like to nominate:

Enjoy Birth--love the positive view of birthing babies expressed there!

Passion for Birth--I usually learn something new or creative by visiting Teri's blog.

Woman-to-Woman CBE--because Kathy is such a talented researcher and prolific, interesting writer!

Here are some things that make me happy:

1. Books! Love 'em. Can't get enough of them.

2. My friends--I feel so lucky to have such a beautiful real-life network.

3. LLL--I love being able to help mothers and babies in my community.

4. Blogging about birth.

5. My kids--they make me laugh so hard every day!

Homebirth

2009-02-21T16:40:00.000-06:00

This week while preparing for a birth class, I read Sheila Kitzinger's book Homebirth. I was struck anew how much I love her writing. It is so lyrical and vibrant and really gets to the heart. I also deeply identify with it. I wanted to share a poem that was in the book in the section about assessing risk and statistics and homebirth and is it really safe, etc.:

Thoughts on "risk"
by Judith Dickson Luce

word so small
born a verb
an "action word"

as I learned in 4th grade
I risk
you risk
she risks
even a noun something
I take
you take
she takes

in philosophy a description of what life is
with its own rewards:
I love and risk loss and pain
I try and risk failure
I trust and risk betrayal
I live and risk death
but we've moved so far beyond philosophy
to insurance--for anything and everything
to machines
to technology and control
(no daring)

and computers spit out the risk we are "at"
before we breathe
before we take a first step
that might lead us to fall
and the computers and the statisticians tell us
it is healthier and safer
and wiser not to take risks
since we are "at risk"
and they can reduce risk
and with it our capacity
for living
and touching
and caring
it's safer that way
neater and more efficient
and definitely more sterile
and what more can we ask of life?

Commentary by Tom Luce: "It's very risky to be born since very few people who are born avoid dying (though many avoid living). If you are born there is a high statistical risk you might die."

Here is an example of what I mean about Kitzinger's lyrical writing style:

"Your breathing dances, you get into the swing of contractions, swimming over each as it rises in crescendo, or breasting it like a great ocean wave. You float, you ride, you ski down the mountain slopes, or leap into the void...The imagery that is likely to be helpful to you will include active verbs of opening, releasing, spreading, unfolding, and fanning out. As contractions sweep through you, concepts that suggest power, energy, strength, and perhaps, storm or even whirlwind suddenly make sense, along with wave and water fantasies--verbs such as stream, pool, flood, gush, flow, and cascade. And all over the world, in many different cultures, woman use visual images of fruit ripening and of the baby's head like a hard bud in the center of a flower unfurling petals. As you read about birth, and whenever you take time to relax and enjoy anticipatory fantasies, create you own images and dreams that will give positive meaning to all the sensations of labor. Doing this will help you to savor fully an adventure that can be among the most thrilling, intense and satisfying experiences of your life."

16

Max Tivoli

2009-02-21T16:12:00.004-06:00

This week I zoomed through The Confessions of Max Tivoli for book club. It was a swift read and I liked it so-so. It caught my attention (most fiction will!), but I found the endless references to his "aging in reverse" tiresome--I felt like yelling, "We GET IT already! Stop reminding us that he is getting younger instead of older. I REMEMBER!" And, as is sometimes the case, the title character wasn't that likeable. Kind of obsessive and sneaky.

I marked a semi-depressing quote to share:

"I couldn't fathom Hughie's belief that his son would accomplish wonders in the world, as if other worthy children, equally full of promise, and failed, and turned into men just like us, who would lay onto the next generation the same hopes, infintely deferred."

Though not in the same words, I used to wonder something similar after I had my first baby--you have to put so many things on hold in order to be responsive to a baby and small child and while I was telling myself it was worthwhile, I was also wondering: "What is the point? Each generation 'sacrifices' and defers goals for their children and to what end? So those children can do the same for their children and so on and so forth...When does someone finally get to actually change the world themselves, rather than waiting for their kids to do it?!" Told you it was depressing (I think perhaps I was actually depressed at the time).

15

Miscellaneous

2009-02-14T13:47:00.003-06:00

I did not actually read ANY books this week! I did read many, many issues of the International Journal of Childbirth Education--I bought a big binder of back issues used last year and then didn't read them. I finally decided to go ahead and finish them all. I'm learning lots of good things and blogging about some them at ICEA.

Today is the 11th anniversary of when my husband proposed :) In honor of Valentine's Day I wanted to share a link to a wonderful essay written by a father in New Beginnings magazine. It is called the Origin of Love and it makes me tear up every time I read it.

Now, some Zen quotes:

What, at this moment, is lacking?
--lin-chi

Silence is the great teacher, and to learn its lessons you must pay attention to it. There is no substitute for the creative inspiration, knowledge, and stability that come from knowing how to contact your core of inner silence.
--Deepak Chopra

I don't feel like I have a lot of room in my life right now for inner silence. :(

Another good one:

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?"
--Kahlil Gibran

The Blue Cotton Gown

2009-02-07T18:01:00.005-06:00

My favorite book this week was the midwifery memoir The Blue Cotton Gown. The author is a CNM who practices with her OB-GYN husband (a women's health practice, not births). It was really sad in parts--lots of stories about clients' lives and some of them were pretty complicated. I wrote a full review on CfM.

I've also been reading old issues of the International Journal of Childbirth Education. I wrote a post with some quotes about that at ICEA.

I got the BirthWorks journal this week as well and was surprised to find my Our Bodies, Ourselves: Pregnancy & Birth review published in it. I'd forgotten about sending it to them!

This is a really insubstantial post, but it is all I can manage today (and possibly until next week!)

14

Still more birth books...

2009-01-31T12:01:00.003-06:00

Continuing my birth book extravaganza, this week I finished reading Childbirth without Fear. I posted quotes from it already here. I did want to share one more though:

"Is it surprising that, at a moment of such stupendous significance, the woman...should be rewarded by a sense of exaltation? A new life...should logically be heralded with pride and joy. In every newborn child there is new hope-—to every mother the people should give thanks." (emphasis mine)

I also finished evaluating Pushed, which I've read once before. I'm going to get to hear the author, Jennifer Block, speak in person on Feb. 10, which is super exciting to me!

Finally, I finished reading Creating a Joyful Birth Experience. I really hoped to find some new birth art ideas for birth classes in this, but I didn't get as much out of it as I had hoped. There was a lot of emphasis on "inner child" work, which is not something that I connect with and also seemed to have been a fad that has since passed (this book was written in 1994).

Out of time for blogging!

Birthing From Within

2009-01-24T15:15:00.003-06:00

This week I finished re-reading Birthing From Within. I started re-reading it quite some time ago, but became re-engrossed this week and finished it up (this was the third time I've read it). Words cannot express how much I enjoy this book. It is my favorite, and most personally meaningful, birth book of all time. It is powerful. It is rich. It is innovative. It is timeless. It is inspiring. It is authentic. It is deep. It "goes beyond." I do not know where I first learned of it, but I read it during my first pregnancy and it was my best, most helpful, and most relevant birth preparation I did (better than the in person classes I took--which were not based on BFW). I know that not everyone does, but I connected with it deeply. It spoke to me and meant something and it was relevant during my birthing as well. So, I'm very attached to it because of my association with my first, transformative pregnancy and birth. I read it this time with more of an eye towards my birth classes and I truly think this book provides more REAL preparation for giving birth than any other (though, I'm not convinced that anything can *truly* prepare you--it is an experience to be lived, rather than described). Reading again raised my desire to train as a BFW Mentor. I hope to do it someday.

(I do have two sections I don't like--there is a really poor breastfeeding section and then there is a quote from another midwife about how if the woman is laboring by candlelight with soft music playing, she blows out the candles and turns off the music and tells her to "get to work.")

I also finished reading In Labor: Women & Power in the Birthplace, which I've wanted to read for ages. I finally went ahead and bought it for myself after Christmas. I was reading it concurrently with re-reading Pushed and it was funny how very similar in content they are. Both sociopolitical looks at maternity care and the culture of giving birth in the U.S. I marked a number of good quotes that I will eventually share on CfM, I think. I did notice that it got less good in the final third of the book and actually seemed to itself contradict some of the points she had made earlier (i.e. in the final third, she starts referring to "deliveries" and "being delivered" when earlier in the book she had examined the use of the word "delivery" as inappropriate and how birth is something women do, an active thing, etc...)

I also read a really lightweight and trashy book about a woman married to a man who is perpetually cheating on her--To Have and to Hold. Basically instantly forgettable, but kind of fun to read anyway.

More Zen

2009-01-17T19:27:00.002-06:00

My mom has an online Zen calendar this year and I wanted to share a quote from it:

"Without staring death in the eye, as the perpetually reverse side of life, we cannot live fully and completely."

--soko morinaga

And edited to add another one:

"Life without zazen is like winding your clock without setting it. It runs perfectly well, but it doesn’t tell time."

--shunryu suzuKi

Christmas books

2009-01-17T14:29:00.002-06:00

Finished reading two of my Christmas gifts:

Womanspirit: A Guide to Women's Wisdom--this is another example of an older book with gifts to offer. It was pretty good and I collected several ideas from it to use for future blessingways. It also had several good guided visualization exercises.

Zen Parenting: The Art of Learning What You Already Know--This is snarky of me, but I guess I DO already know it all, because I didn't really learn anything new from this book. I did like this daily Zen practice they suggested:

*Stay.
*Stay with the moment.
*Stay with your attention on your inner awareness.
*Pay attention. Remember, emotions pass. Bodily needs pass.
*What stays is the essence of you and the pure spirit of your child.

Time to get off the computer, because I have piles of more important things to be doing!

More Birth Books

2009-01-10T13:25:00.003-06:00

I've read a lot of birth books in the last two weeks.

First, I read through Pam England's Inanna's Descent Journal. It wasn't quite what I was expecting, but interesting, as her work always is to me.

I also finished reading Pregnant Feelings, another 80's birth book with some interesting content and ideas. The subtitle is "developing trust in birth," which I think is such an important piece. It has a nice emphasis on birth being unique to each individual, so not to base your experience or expectations on anyone else (or on specific coping "techniques"). It is by Rahima Baldwin, who wrote Special Delivery--another 80's birth book that I enjoy a great deal. I have a special interest in postpartum care and I found it particularly interesting to read that postpartum hemorrhage is most common between days 10 and 17 postpartum!

Speaking of postpartum, I marked a section in another birth book I finished recently--Fathers at Birth. In it, the author says there is an old saying in the East: "The way a woman takes care of herself after a baby is born determines how long she will live." While not meant literally, I find it a very powerful quote and I will incorporate both things into my "planning for postpartum" session that I give periodically. I really enjoyed this book and have blogged about it at CfM (twice) and ICEA (twice) already, so you can read more of my thoughts there!

Then, I finished reading one of my holiday gifts from my dear husband--The Labor Progress Handbook, by Penny Simkin. It had been on my wishlist for absolute AGES, so it was fun to finally get and read. Picked up some ideas about coping with long labors/back labor/fetal malpositioning to incorporate into my classes. I also posted some thoughts from it at Talk Birth.

My copy of the new film Pregnant in America arrived today and I'm eager to watch it!

I also read Twilight (teenage book about vampires--not birth related at all!), which was my guilty pleasure of the month--I read it WAY too fast and am casting about for the other books in the series.

Book Year in Review --2008

2009-01-03T14:22:00.005-06:00

At the end of 2007, I really wanted to post a year-end review and never got around to it. Now, as 2008 has closed out, I find myself wanting to do the same (and also finding it a chore that gets put off...So...whatever that means.)

So, in 2008 I read 94 books. I believe that is roughly 50 less than 2007. I suspect this is because several of my 2008 reads were pretty heavy/time-consuming. I also read countless journals/magazines/newsletters. I get a lot of subscriptions!

I'm realizing that perhaps my balk at writing this post is because I was going to do it in "Top 10" format, but can't pick/decide/figure it out. So, I think I will just give "special awards" instead of Top Tenning it. :-) Not all of my awards go to books that I actually read this year--some are actually from last year, but still leaving their legacy. So, I guess in a way this is a recap of 2007 & 2008.

First, some true favorites from 2008:

Ten Zen Seconds
The Life Organizer
Lady's Hands, Lion's Heart
The Mother's Guide to Self Renewal
Mothering the New Mother
Fathers at Birth
Birth: The Surprising History of How We are Born
LabOrinth
Childbirth Education: Research, Practice, & Theory
The Politics of Breastfeeding

What do you know? There ARE 10 after all!

Runners up:

Our Bodies, Ourselves: Pregnancy & Birth
Just Six Numbers

Not a book, but a favorite DVD of 2008:

Yoga for Your Pregnancy

And favorite DVD series:

Smallville: Seasons 1-7. We had so much fun watching 7 seasons worth of these between Sept. and Dec. of 2008 (yes, that is like 200 hours worth or something. Kind of embarrassing and/or horrifying! Hmm. Maybe that is the true reason why I didn't end up reading 100 books this year!)

Special Awards:

Most Influential/Life Changing/Inspirational:

Ten Zen Seconds

The Life Organizer (Since this one features so prominently in my awards, you'd think I would have blogged about it, but I never did! Weird, huh? I think because I keep it out to use/refer back to and so it doesn't make it into my to-blog-about-pile by my desk).

The Mother's Guide to Self Renewal

Most Challenging:

Buddhism for Mothers
Nothing Special: Living Zen

Most Fun/Entertaining:

Books by the Yarn Harlot

Most Quoted:

My $1 Shop Zen calendar!

Books by Wayne Dyer

Most Quoted in Other Writing:

Pushed

Most Referred Back to/Flipped Back Through:

Your Sacred Self
The Life Organizer

Most Consciousness Expanding:

Life After Death
Just Six Numbers

Longest:

Childbirth Education: Research, Practice, & Theory (also "wins" as Most Educational)

Most Given as Gift:

Mother Nurture

Most Often Recommended to Others:

Mother Nurture
What Mothers Do
The Life Organizer

Should Have Recommended More Often/Given as a Gift:

Ten Zen Seconds

Most Lent Out to Others:

Diaper Free
Brain, Child issues
Emergency Childbirth
Lady's Hands, Lion's Heart

Here's to at least 100 good reads in 2009! ;-)

Last Child in the Woods

2009-01-02T12:23:00.004-06:00

On New Year's Eve, I finished reading Last Child in the Woods. This was the first book for the new book club I'm participating in (Yay! I've always wanted to be in a book club.) The book is about "nature deficit disorder"--basically, that people, especially kids, don't spend enough time outdoors and in nature. It made me think that, even though I live in the country and in the woods, I should go outside more and appreciate being there, as opposed to just heading for the car and town. I also noticed that I think I spent more time outside as a child than my children do now. We had a nice routine going where we spent about two hours outside together every afternoon and then we developed a terrible mosquito problem that changed our routine and drove us to spend more time indoors. Then, even when the weather cooled down again and the mosquitoes died, we were out of the habit of our daily outside time.

Here are some quotes I copied down for our book club discussion:

"What if, instead of sailing to the Galapagos Islands and getting his hands dirty and his feet wet, Charles Darwin had spent his days cooped up in some office cubicle staring at a computer screen? What if a tree fell in the forest and no one knew its biological name? Did it exist?" [I think, yes :)]

"'Reality is the final authority; reality is what’s going on out there, not what’s in your mind or on your computer screen,' says Paul Dayton."

I found this quote refreshing because I read so much Zennish stuff that says reality is a construct and "you create your own reality" and "there is no reality." LOL!

Page 198 quotes from Robert Kennedy Jr.:

"'We’re part of nature, and ultimately we’re predatory animals and we have a role in nature...and if we separate ourselves from that, we’re separating ourselves from our history, from the things that tie use together. We don’t want to live in a world where there are not recreational fishermen, where we’ve lost touch with the seasons, the tides, the things that connect us—-to ten thousand generations of human beings that were here before there were laptops and ultimately connect us to God.' We shouldn’t be worshipping nature as God, he said, but nature is the way that God communicates to us most forcefully. 'God communicates to us through each other and through organized religion, through wise people and the great books, through music and art,' but nowhere 'with such texture and forcefulness in detail and grace and joy, as through creation...And when we destroy large resources, or when we cut off our access by putting railroads along river banks, by polluting so that people can’t fish, or by making so many rules that people can’t get out on the water, it’s the moral equivalent of tearing the last pages out of the last Bible on Earth[emphasis mine]...Our children ought to be out there on the water...This is what connects us, this is what connects humanity, this is what we have in common. It’s not the Internet, it’s the oceans."

From page 285 quoting one of his sons at age four: "Are God and Mother Nature married, or just good friends?" (I LOVE this!)

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T08:59:00.000-06:00

I plan to post a "book year in review" sometime soon, but for now I wanted to simply share two Zen calendar quotes:

"Not to have flexibility to change is a tragedy in itself, and to have too much flexibility not to stand for anything is a tragedy in itself."

--Yogi Bhajan

"In this world hate never dispelled hate. Only love dispels hate. this is the law, ancient and inexhaustible. You too shall pass away. Knowing this, how can you quarrel?"

--Buddha

Happy New Year!

Sometimes Zen is Annoying...

2008-12-31T13:49:00.002-06:00

My $1 Shop Zen calendar occasionally has quotes that annoy me, like this one:

"What does it matter,
The new year, the old year?
I stretch out my legs
And all alone have a
Quiet sleep."

--Bankei

There is a sense of apathy or disconnect or inertia or "flatness" almost in some Zen writing that gets on my nerves!

Soul Force + Stillness

2008-12-29T14:40:00.001-06:00

From the $1 Shop Zen calendar, I loved this:

"There is a soul force in the universe, which, if we permit it, will flow through us and produce miraculous results."

--Ghandi

Another good one:

"How can I be still? By flowing with the stream."

--Lao-tzu

80's Birth Books

2008-12-27T14:09:00.001-06:00

In November, I finished reading some "vintage" birth books from the 1980's. I can't believe I used to avoid books like this because I assumed that the "dated" pictures on the covers would come with "dated" inside content. Instead, there is a great deal of "fresh" insight in them and I enjoy them a great deal.

I read:

Sheila Kitzinger's The Experience of Childbirth--this book was interesting (and unique/fresh) in its exploration of birth as an experience. The focus was on emotions and relationships and personality and all kinds of things that influence birth, and the experience of giving birth, other than physiology. It did have a long section on breathing techniques that no longer are in "fashion." It also had a lot of information about childbirth education and effective birth education that I thought was very interesting and relevant.

And I then read her Woman's Experience of Sex. One point she made in the book with regard to virginity that a girl is seen as "losing something" while a boy is seen as gaining something. While discussing the sexuality of birth she uses a beautiful analogy: "A woman who is enjoying her labor swings into the rhythm of contractions as if birth-giving were a powerful dance, her uterus creating the beat. She watches for it, concentrates on it, like an orchestra following its conductor."

And then Elizabeth Noble's Childbirth with Insight. Again, some really good observations for childbirth educators. There is a particularly lyrical and engaging and descriptive writing style in all of these books that seems different than present-day writings. Perhaps present-day books try to be more dynamic or fast-paced? I'm not sure exactly what the difference is, but these older books give me more "ah ha!" or "oh, cool!" or "what a great way to describe xyz" feeling than more current birth books that I've read recently.

I also re-read portions of my favorite 80's birth book, Transformation Through Birth by Claudia Panuthos.

Zen Quotes

2008-12-26T14:29:00.001-06:00

My trusty $1 Shop Zen Calendar is winding down for the year. Lucky for me, I have tons of saved slips from it that I have meaning to post to this blog. I will parcel them out bit by bit and perhaps I won't miss my little calendar so much...

"Practice not-doing, and everything will fall into place"

--Lao-tzu

"The world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove loving and friendly to you."

--Thomas Dreier

I got this one on a day when the whole family had gotten up on the "wrong side of bed" and we were all crabby and snappish with each other. The quote provided a needed reminder!

Walking a Sacred Path

2008-12-24T12:53:00.002-06:00

Wanted to quickly share some quotes from the book I just finished reading at naptime, Walking a Sacred Path: Rediscovering the Labyrinth as a Spiritual Tool.

First, a quote of a quote (Nietzsche): "You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star."

And another quote of quote (a Buddhist analogy from Robert Lawlor): "Time is like a necklace of square beads of tangible objects, or moments of events, and to be absorbed by this succession of limited frames is maya or illusion, whereas only the inner thread of the necklace, the unimaginable continuum, is reality."

Jewish prayer (the "Shechehiyanu"): "Thank you, God, for preparing me, for sustaining me, and for bringing me to this moment so that I can truly celebrate what is." (I like and often use/say the Serenity prayer and this reminds of me of that.)

And, finally, from the author herself: "Opening to the sacred is a profound, life-changing process. It frees enormous energy that needs to be channeled back out in the world in service. If the focus is back into the self, then the act of seeking can become an addiction."

Books

2008-12-23T15:32:00.005-06:00

I just finished reading Brain, Child mag this month and there was an ad in the front for posters and bookmarks and things from a store called Owl Square Press. Anyway, one of them was a poster of a huge stack of books with this sort of monster-ish looking character sitting by it reading and below it it says:

Books to the ceiling, books to the sky
My piles of books are a mile high.
How I love them!
How I need them!
I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.

Aside from the beard point, I think I wrote this...LOL! ;-)

There was another poster that quoted Charles de Montesquieu:

"I have never known any distress that an hour's reading did not relieve."

I don't think I ever read for a solid hour any more (I used to sometimes put in practically a solid day!) I still read an awful lot of books each year for how disrupted it is.

And, on an unrelated note, in the thought-provoking Brain, Child feature article The Mom Job (about cosmetic surgery for mothers):

"Consider our culture's fixation on women's breasts. 'Tits are really for tots,' says Freedman bluntly. 'But we don't think of them that way. We think of breasts as being for men.'"

I keep getting a mental image of a cartoon rabbit saying, "Silly men. Tits are for tots!" ;-)

Practically Perfect in Every Way + Musings on Self-Help

2008-12-22T12:46:00.005-06:00

One of my Christmas books LAST YEAR was Practically Perfect in Every Way by one of Brain, Child's editors/founders Jennifer Niesslein. I wrote notes in my notebook about it on Dec. 26th 2007, but they were so extensive that I never got around to actually get them onto my blog. So, now that it is practically the one year "anniversary" of my reading the book, it is high time I actually post about it! It was quite good and it made me think a great deal about my own penchant for self-help books (the subtitle of this book is "my misadventures through the world of self-help and back"). I enjoyed the book a great deal, though I don't have many specific notes/quotes about it, itself. What I have are notes about how I felt/things I realized while reading it. So, this isn't a review post per se, but more like ruminations and navel-gazing! Kind of stream-of-consciousness as I transcribe it now.

The author employs an ongoing analogy between her emotions and a glove that is fitting right or is "twisted." She expresses that she feels emotionally "neutral" most of the time--sometimes on the happy side, sometimes on the "glove is twisted" side (off balance, sad/crabby side). My husband seems like this to me as well--we've discussed it actually--that he is emotionally "neutral." When we talked about it, I used my hands wildly to demo the imaginary line of my own emotions and how I am rarely at neutral and would kind of like to be. Instead I seem mild cyclothymic in my emotions/attitudes towards life, swinging fairly rapidly from buoyancy and mild euphoria to despair and doubt. I am well aware this sounds manic-depressive, but it isn't anywhere close to that level (I do have a copy of the DSM-IV, thankyouverymuch). Though, when considering whether I'd like to be neutral truly, I realize that if giving up the despair bits meant also giving up the wellspring of joy--I'll keep the occasional despair! (And yes, I'm also aware that bipolar people say the same thing about their manic phases.)

Almost two years ago, I had a realization that there is a current of sorts underlying all of my feelings and when I tune into it I can "dip my toe in" and see how it feels--sometimes the current itself is sad, though a switch of some kind flicked when Z turned 1 (PPD?) and several other significant experiences occurred and I had a physical sensation that the current had become a wellspring of joy underlying anything else I experience. This has basically continued to be true. The "upper" level (i.e. above the current) mood shifts occur (I can be really happy and really sad), but the current running below them is happy now instead of sad. I feel like a spent a couple of years with a "sad current" instead and, YAY! to have a wellspring of joy instead. Okay, so my point is that at one point I had said that I'd like the current to be "neutral," but I don't think I really do. Too "dulled" or something.

Okay, back to the book a little. The author decides to embark on a year-long quest for self-improvement and to become happier. This causes me to reflect on whether happiness is a "right" or a "worthy goal" even. My life might be simpler if I operated under a happiness principle--sort of an "if it makes me happy, do it, if it doesn't stop." I do a lot of things in life--that are of my own choosing--that do not make me happy, though they do not necessarily make me sad either (side note: when I originally wrote this a year ago, this was true. Now, I've made a variety of life changes that have me doing a lot less--things of my own choosing--that does not make me happy). OTOH, seeking happiness exclusively is a sure recipe for unhappiness, not to mention is self-centered, narcissistic, and unreasonable. One of my books (Nothing Special?) makes several points about happiness not being our right and why do we persist in thinking we should be happy all the time or that we should try to be happier or only seek happiness (this, according to her, is instead a sure route to disappointment and frustration. The whole seek pleasure, avoid pain thing is the antithesis of Zen. A very egocentric, selfish, unenlightened, and animalistic way to approach one's life course).

Heck, I don't know what to think. This is an example of how I carry too much info in my head and other people's voices drown out my own gut responses...

Okay, back to the book again. She notes that improving herself is a full-time job and left little time for anything else. Basically, it caused her to think about herself all the time.

As I read this, I began to ponder that it could well be possible that all the self-help book reading I do actually makes me less happy and less able to help myself? Trying to do things someone else's "expert" way sometimes clicks and sometimes not (using day planners for example. I'm an organized person, day planners would logically appeal to me. They DO NOT WORK for me at all. I've basically never used one. My little grid is what works for me. I spent a number of years trying to make myself use a planner though, before I stumbled on my fabulous grid-system). However, what/how long is a fair try of someone else system, or moving out of your comfort zone enough to really evaluate the value of self-help.

I read tons of it. Seems somehow more "productive" or "worthwhile" than other types of reading (but, in reality, might make me more self-centered, feel guiltier, etc.). Reading these books gives me an illusion of "productivity" when really I do not DO most of what is in the books, just leap upon the next one (and practically speaking, how much self-improvement can I actually do while lying there nursing the baby). It makes me feel like I'm "doing something" and might lessen the uncomfortableness of being?

Interestingly (to myself!), I read little to no self-help re: parenting and NONE re: marriage, which indicates to me that I feel good/successful about the relationships in my life. I also read no home organizing/organizing self-help and almost no financial self-help (simple living reading squared the financial box away for me back int 2001 or so). I read personal self-help/improvement (selfish? Or low self-esteem?). There are so many things to do to get it right according to each expert that then not doing them, adds guilt to my life. OTOH, my husband does NOT read self-help ever and seems generally happier and more relaxed about life than I do (this is also just our personalities!). I started reading it during my first pregnancy in 2003 (I was a primarily fiction and textbooks reader before that) and it has not lost its grip since.

Upon making these realizations, I decide to take self-help book "fast." I go to my to-read bookshelf and count how many self-help books I have there waiting to be read. There are THIRTY! Not to mention 24 more masquaraders (those that are not labeled "self-help" on the back, but clearly have "improving YOU!" as their prime message). I also have 25 additional self-help/self-improvement books on my wish list at Amazon that I move to a separate list. Isn't this bizarre?!

-------
Okay, I'm going to have to finish this later, because it is insanely long (and possibly insane!) already and I have like 5 notebook pages left to go!

The Mommy Wars

2008-12-20T13:24:00.002-06:00

This week I finished reading The Mommy Wars, which I had checked out of the library. I don't have much time to write about it, but it was surprisingly good and I wanted to share some quotes/thoughts. I almost didn't check it out because I was worried that it would be excessively harsh or inflammatory and I don't need to bring things like that into my life. However, it seemed truly supportive of women/mothers. It was a collection of essays by various authors (alternating between those who have chosen to be mostly at home and those who have chosen to be mostly pursuing careers) and it quickly became clear that the most real "mommy war" that most of us experience is the one inside of our own heads. There seems to be no ideal/perfect solution. I also noticed that many of the women (including the editor of the collection) had cobbled together some sort of "balance" between working-outside-of-the-home and working inside it--there were lots of part-timers, lots of WAHMs, lots of writer-in-the-spare-minutes, etc. Since I've done the same, I particularly identified with those tales of struggle to discover the right balance for your family.

The first quote I wanted to share is one re: being asked "what do you do?" at a cocktail party: "I find it odd that I'd generate far more interest if I said I raised dogs or horse or chinchillas, but saying, in effect, 'I raise human beings' is a huge yawn."

"It might, in fact, be boring if child care were simply a series of pink-collar tasks--bathe, dress, feed, repeat. But observing and participating in a little Homo Sapien's development is fascinating to me. Furthermore, being a mother isn't just a 'job' any more than being a wife or a daughter; it's a relationship."

Then in another writer's essay (the above was from one of the SAHM, the below is from one of the WOHM):

"I remember reading once that all manner of selfishness is excused under the banner of focusing on one's family, and it strikes me now as penetratingly true. How many of us don't do for others because we're supposedly saving it for our families? and how valuable is staying at home if you're not teaching your children how much other people (and their feelings) matter?"

In another book I have, The Paradox of Natural Mothering, she refers to this as a type of narcissism and I see the point. I've explaining to people before that yes, of course--ultimately--"family first" but that doesn't mean "everything else last." I occasionally struggle with this when answering a helping call--basically, my kids do NOT come first at that moment, nor should they. I've even told them that--"I'm sorry, but you wanting juice is not important right now, the mother who is crying on the phone is more important." I do not think this is a terrible lesson to learn! ;-) Of course, in an ultimate-reality sort of situation, my kids DO come first. 100%. But, in a regular day-to-day situation, sometimes what other people need from me is more important and does come first.

I also wanted to share some quotes from an essay by a woman who does not yet have children, but is planning to, with regard to talking to mothers who shut down her opinions/thoughts with the, "what could you know? You don't have children" brush-off. (Which, I personally, have definitely been guilty of thinking on more than one occasion!! And, actually did so while reading this essay!): "I want to be able to say that all the judgment and aggression and competitiveness I witness among working and stay-at-home mothers surprises me and absolutely must change. But that wouldn't be honest. I've been party to this one-upping and henpecking and know-it-all-ness my entire life. It's as if becoming a mother puts us back into a sorority or junior high school, into some petri dish of experience where what other females think and say and feel and do counts more than anything."

"The one thing my stay-at-home and working-mom friends share in the country of motherhood is a superiority gene, some may call it a gift of vision, that convinces them that women who don't have children are, despite their educations and accomplishments, dumb as doorknobs. I've sat through many a heated conversation...during which I've been silly enough to offer an opinion only to be shut down more condescendingly and viciously by wise Goddess Mothers than I ever have been shut down by any man."

(FWIW, I would not call this a "superiority gene" or "gift of vision," but a "voice of experience"...I think most of us have been in the position of ourselves being the "just doesn't get it" woman without kids! And, after you have kids of your own, you suddenly realize why "those mothers" were condescending to you!)

In another essay, with regard to balance, that eternal question:

"Let me save you some money: In a life with children, balance does not exist. Once you're a parent, you can figure you'll be out of whack for the rest of your life...Children are not born to provide balance. children are made to stir us up, to teach us how angry we can get, how scared we can be, how utterly happy, happier than we'd ever imagined was possible, how deeply we can love. Children turn us upside down and inside out; they send us to the depths and heights of ourselves; but they do not balance us. We can't balance them either, and that's a good thing, too. They're finding out how to live in the world, and the most we can do is make them as safe as possible and have a good time with them."

ICEA article

2008-12-13T20:25:00.002-06:00

I don't have much time to write tonight (actually, no time), but I wanted to share that my Talk Less, Learn More article about CBE was published in the International Journal of Childbirth Education this month. It was my 79th publication (if I use the term liberally and include things I publish myself in the FoMM newsletter!). I'd like to hit 100 sometime in 2009.

Speaking of ICEA, I've been blogging there a bit as well:

Childbirth and Flow Experiences
Fathers at Birth
Birth and Sex

I don't count things like this in my publications list, FYI! I only count print publications.

Catch-up

2008-12-08T16:23:00.007-06:00

OMG. I read a LOT.

I've read a lot of books in the last couple of weeks that I'm not going to post about separately.

I just finished reading the Yarn Harlot's new book Free-Range Knitter, which was quite funny, as always. When talking about why she knits (because she doesn't get any "points" for it):

"The only voice that isn't going to bother to lie to preserve our relationship is the voice of my inner self, and that's who I've got to be doing this for. My inner self is, like most inner selves, a very harsh person who I am not always convinced is on my side." She continues on to say that she can find something likable about just about everyone she meets, but can barely stand up under her own harsh self assessments. I identified ;-)

I also read the book Skinny Bitch: Bun in the Oven (I was reviewing it for an organization). I appreciated the reference in it to LLL Leaders as "goddesses" ;-) Overall, this seemed like first an animal rights book, second a book about nutrition (specifically veganism) and third a book about pregnancy. The language in it was coarse throughout (as the title would suggest), which I had trouble getting past. (I emailed some colleagues to see if I was just being an uptight-goody-two-shoes-prude. They said no, but I had to acknowledge to myself that the description kind of fits, irrespective of this particular book!)

And, I finished reading Busy, but Balanced, which I've been reading month-by-month over the course of the year (it is organized by month). I didn't actually glean that much from it that I didn't already know/have in other books. It did suggest having special family days once a month and we've implemented that with fair regularity throughout the year--like taking a day and actually writing on the calendar that it is going to be family day and then spending a fun day together. Related to this is that I also had several tea parties with my boys this year--planned, written on the calendar--and they had SO much fun doing that (mostly because of the sugar cubes). I was playing dinosaurs with Z a couple of days ago and he picked out a baby dino for each big dino and made me make each dino hold her baby (some required rubber bands). They had been fighting and growling and generally being ferocious, but then the big t-rex said, "you want have tea party?!" and proceeded to get imaginary cups for all the other dinos and so forth...really cute.

Along with the balance theme, I also finished reading Being in Balance. Usually, I love anything by Wayne Dyer, but this one was pretty forgettable (kind of re-hash, quick-lets-publish-a-new-book thing). In the section titled "you can't kiss your own ear," he said something that I found really true: "You want the truth of who you are to mesh with what you're projecting outward. If this is unsuccessful, you're aware of it, even if you opt to ignore it." I want my two selves to be harmonized (and I think usually they are). My goal in life is to live it authentically, deeply, richly, and truly.

I also read A Country Year: Living the Questions. The program chair at church does readings from this book a lot and I providentially found it at a thrift shop for a nickel recently. It was good. Reminded me of Animal, Vegetable, Miracle it its "smallness" of scope and richness of depth. She has that ability to capture the importance of the mundane, small, day-to-day things. This book had me all interested in termites, brown recluses, bees, and more. The author lives in Missouri (a beekeeper), which made it all the more relevant. Then, of course, this related quote showed up on my $1 Shop Zen calendar:

"The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, indescribably magnificent world in itself"
--Henry Miller

This is what Sue Hubbell and Barbara Kingsolver have in common--they pay close attention and write about it very well. From Hubbell's book comes this quote more succintly summing up something I was just recently trying to explain to a friend (too bad I hadn't read this first and I could have just quoted it!):

"Since then waves of people who find the cities too complicated have come here [to the Ozarks], meaning to live lives of simplicity. What they have not yet discovered is that a life is as simple or as complicated as the person living it, and that people who have found life in the city overwhelming will find it even more so here..."

Basically, what I was trying to tell my friend is that regardless of where you move, or what changes you make, or how much clutter you get rid of, you're still you...

Okay, so I also re-read the short book Joyful Birth . It comes with two CDs and is a really quick read. I had a quote that I will share on my birth blog and then this one about motherhood here:

"The path of motherhood has a beginning, but no end. It's constantly changing and constantly challenging. along the way, we encounter our personal limits over and over. We fall in love over and over. We ride the sharp edge of hope and fear. On this path of discovery, as on any spiritual path, our pretensions are shattered, our minds are blown, and our hearts are opened. We cry, we laugh, we bumble around and make countless mistakes. Through it all, we are gently--or abruptly--poked into greater honesty, lovingkindness, and understanding. It is a truly joyful path."

And along the mothering theme, the last book I wanted to post about today (yes, I have about 5 more in my pile waiting...) is A Dozen Invisible Pieces and Other Confessions of Motherhood . This was another book I was reviewing. The author is a childbirth educator, so I connected with her there. I also appreciated her explorations of life-work balance and, among other things, deeply identified with this:

"For a parent who makes the choice to stay at home with his or her children, rather than return to or enter the employed workforce, she effectively ejects herself from the recognition and reward system she was raised in. This happened to me. Before becoming a mother, I lived in that system for thirty years. I memorized the protocol of: 1. Do good work. 2. Have good work recognized by others. 3. Feel compelled to do more good work. 4. Do more good work."

I have lots more to say, but I'm out of time! At least I feel a little more caught up now!

Ten Things I Love About Having (Little) Kids

2008-12-05T20:09:00.002-06:00

This post is prompted by three things. One--listening to my best friend's 3 month old baby laugh at the skating rink yesterday. Two--snuggling with Z this morning while he was still asleep and smelling his hair. Three--being at "coffee night" with my friends last night and having the nice older women at the next table tell us to "enjoy it, they grow so fast. Stop hurrying and being so busy or you'll miss it all." And, as they left saying, "Keep enjoying your beautiful fertility!"

So, this morning I laid in bed smelling Z's hair and I thought of 10 things I love about having little children:

1. The sound of a baby's laugh--especially the early/first laughs. There is no more pure joy to be found in the entire world.

2. Breastfeeding--particularly those times at the end of a long, chaotic, busy, stressful day when I lie down with my baby and feel both of our bodies relax and become suffused with a sense of peacefulness and rightness and, "this is what life is all about." As Louise Erdrich said, "Perhaps we owe some of our most moving literature to men who didn't understand that they wanted to be women nursing babies." :)

3. Smelling their heads, particularly when they are asleep and nestled against me with head under my chin, my nose and lips resting in their hair. Perfect happiness.

4. The things they say! I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried and I'm glad I keep a little book of notes. L LOVES me to re-read the funny things he said when he was about Z's age. He still cracks me up all the time, but it is especially funny when they're less verbal and still figuring out how to talk.

5. Still being able to fix just about anything just by being there and giving hugs.

6. Watching them when they start learning how to play imaginatively--Z (2.5) is at this point now, where he sets up scenes and has stories going on. I loved toys so much as a kid and so loved playing with my sister with all of our little people and Care Bears and so forth that it is really fun to see my own kids creating their own imaginary worlds now. I had so much time to play as a kid and I think it was really good for me.

7. Watching how their drawing skills develop/unfold. L (5) is amazing to watch in this respect.

8. The learning to talk stage--where it is just an explosion of new words every day.

9. Their unselfconscious ease in being naked.

10. Having one who is "older" (5) now and enjoying how companionable our relationship has become and how helpful he is.

Oh, and they're awfully cute too!

In their Halloween costumes preparing to battle each other (I love having boys!)

A New Earth

2008-11-26T14:10:00.002-06:00

I haven't had much time for this blog lately. :( I wanted to quickly share two related quotes that spoke to me this week. One was in the book A New Earth: Awakening Your Life's Purpose, that I recently read. The quote is actually from the 14th century Persian poet and Sufi master, Hafiz:

"I am a hole in a flute that the Christ’s breath moves through. Listen to this music."

It gave me chills. Then, in a stroke of synchronicity, my $1 Shop Zen calendar had this to share with me:

"We too should make ourselves empty, that the great soul of the universe may fill us with its breath."
--Lawrence Binyon

Mindful Mama essay again

2008-11-08T21:19:00.005-06:00

Edited to say that I found out today (11/19), that my essay was one of the runner ups and won a prize. So, that was fun. This is the first time I've ever entered a contest like this.

I found out today that my Mindful Mama essay is one of the finalists on the essay contest I posted about before. Here is the link to the essay (Pain & Presence in Parenting).

The other entries are here.

Childbirth Education: Research, Practice, & Theory

2008-11-01T15:48:00.005-05:00

I know I've mentioned before that I'm a fast reader. Well, guess what? This week I finished reading a book I've been reading since my birthday in MAY! LOL! I'm so fast. Aren't you impressed? Anyway, it was Childbirth Education: Research, Practice, & Theory, which is a CBE textbook. It is pretty much the only textbook-style CBE book available and I figured it was high time I finally read it. My mom got it for me for my birthday and I started reading it then and have slowly been working my way through it ever since. It was interesting, of course--it is about birth!--but somehow a textbook style of book just never *grabs* you in the way other books can. Plus, in terms of literal grabbing, it is really heavy and unwieldy, which made it very hard to read in bed while nursing, which is where I still do most of my reading. The pages ended up cracking away from the spine, because of how I had to prop it awkwardly on its side to read it in bed. It is over 700 pages and exhaustively researched and had TONS of great content. I'd recommend it to any childbirth educator. I marked so many pages to refer back to later, or to blog about later (I'll do that on Talk Birth though, not here).

I realized when I was about halfway through that I have never in my life read an entire textbook cover to cover before. This tells you how important the subject is to me ;-) It also brought to mind all the textbooks I've had in my life that I've not only *not* read cover to cover, but have not even *opened.* LOL! I was a really good student too and cared about my majors (but not enough to read the books apparently...)

Reading this book is one reason why I haven't read as many books yet this year as I did last year (I think I've only read like 75 and last year it was over 100)!

I have more to say of course, but this will have to be all for today. This may be one of my least-interesting posts ever...

Milk, Money, & Madness

2008-10-25T14:47:00.003-05:00

This week I finished reading Milk, Money, and Madness. Dia Michels is one of the co-authors and I've actually heard her speak twice--once in 2003 when I was pregnant with L and then last fall at the LLL of MO conference. Anyway, it seemed like it was well past time to finally actually read her book! It was quite good. I'm surprised at how riveting a book about the "culture and politics of breastfeeding" can be! (It did remind me a lot of The Politics of Breastfeeding that I read a while ago.)

I only have time to share quotes today, not much evaluation:

"Babies need holding, stroking, dressing, bathing, comforting, burping, and, within a short time, feeding solids. Dad can do every one of these. The desire to participate should not be confused with the need to give the baby the best of what each partner has to offer."

I liked this one because I hear from people SO often that they want Daddy to be able to participate in baby care by giving the baby a bottle. There are LOTS of things that fathers can do for their babies, other than feeding.

A good one with regard to public breastfeeding/breasts as sexual objects:

"When the attitude is taken that a woman’s breasts belong to her and no job is more important than caring for one’s young, the confusion between breastfeeding and obscenity goes away."

With regard to the argument that bottle feeding "liberates" women from the tyranny/restrictiveness of breastfeeding:

"The liberation women need is to breastfeed free of social, medical, and employer constraints. Instead, they have been presented with the notion that liberation comes with being able to abandon breastfeeding without guilt. This 'liberation,' though, is an illusion representing a distorted view of what breastfeeding is, what breastfeeding does, and what both mothers and babies need after birth."

With regard to how women are treated pp in other cultures, etc…

"An entirely different situation exists in societies where technology is emphasized. The birth process is seen from a clinical viewpoint, with obstetricians emphasizing technology. A battery of defensive practices are employed, some of which are totally irrelevant to the health of either mother or infant. Skilled technicians spend their time and the family’s money on identifying the baby’s gender and performing various stress tests. All the focus is geared toward the actual birth. After the birth, mother and baby become medically separated. The infant is relegated to the care of the pediatrician, the uterus to the obstetrician, the breast abscess to the surgeon. While the various anatomical parts are given the required care, the person who is the new mother is often left to fend for herself...All the tender loving care goes flows to the infant; the mother becomes and unpaid nursemaid."

The quote continues:

"This may appear to be a harsh evaluation, but it is realistic. In western society, the baby gets attention while the mother is given lectures. Pregnancy is considered an illness; once the 'illness' is over, interest in her wanes. Mothers in 'civilized' countries often have no or very little help with a new baby. Women tend to be home alone to fend for themselves and the children. They are typically isolated socially and expected to complete their usual chores, including keeping the house clean and doing the cooking and shopping, while being the sole person to care for the infant..."

"According to the U.S. rules and regulations governing the federal worker, the pregnancy and postdelivery period is referred to as 'the period of incapacitation.' This reflects the reality of the a situation that should be called 'the period of joy.' Historically, mothering was a group process shared by the available adults. This provided not only needed relief but also readily available advice and experience. Of the 'traditional' and 'modern' child-rearing situations, it is the modern isolated western mom who is much more likely to find herself experiencing lactation failure." (emphasis mine)

I think these quotes are important because I think there is a tendency for women to look inward and blame themselves for "failing" at breastfeeding. There is also an unfortunate tendency for other mothers to also blame the mother for "failing"--she was "too lazy" or "just made an excuse," etc. We live in a bottle feeding culture; The cards are stacked against breastfeeding from many angles--economically, socially, medically etc. When I hear women discussing why they couldn't breastfeed, I don't hear "excuses," I hear "broken systems of support" (whether it be the epidural in the hospital that caused fluid retention and the accompanying flat nipples, the employer who won't provide a pumping location, the husband who doesn't want to share "his breasts," or the mother-in-law who thinks breastfeeding is perverted). Of course, there can actually be true "excuses" and "bad reasons" and women theoretically always have the power to choose for themselves rather than be swayed by those around them, but there is a whole lot that goes into not-breastfeeding, besides the quickest answer or what is initially apparent on the surface. Breastfeeding occurs in a context and that context is often one that DOES NOT reinforce it. I often think it is more of miracle that a mother manages to breastfeed, than wonder why she doesn't!

And, a final quote:

"...infant formula sales comprise up to 50% of the total profits of Abbott Labs, an enormous pharmaceutical concern."

And the U.S. government is the largest buyer of formula, providing it for something like 37% of babies. I should have written that quote down too!

Mindful Mama essay

2008-10-21T16:52:00.001-05:00

I entered an essay content at Mindful Mama Magazine (the subject was "what it means to be a mindful mama"). My entry is titled Pain & Presence in Parenting.

Anyway, the essays that are the most "popular" in terms of discussion/views/ratings will move on, sooooo....if anyone is interested in helping with that, please check it out! (and/or submit your own essay)

Here are the directions:

1. Create a Mindful Mama account. http://mindfulmamamagazine.com/user/CreateUser.aspx?ReturnUrl=

2. Post comments in the Ani DiFranco Contest Forum. (You must be a registered user to view this forum).

http://mindfulmamamagazine.com/forums/318.aspx

3. Increase the popularity of favorite submission by forwarding this e-mail to other friends.

Zen Calendar Quotes

2008-10-18T16:53:00.002-05:00

I don't have time for a real post today (I made up for it by posting twice earlier in the week which I don't usually do), so I thought I'd share some of the $1 Shop Zen calendar quotes that have been piling up by my computer (I probably have 40 little slips here to transcribe! Is that Zen of me?! ;-)

From yesterday:

"When we are mired in the relative world, never lifting our gaze to the mystery, our life is stunted, incomplete; we are filled with yearning for that paradise that is lost when, as young children, we replace it with words and ideas and abstractions--such as merit, such as past, present, and future--our direct, spontaneous experience of the thing itself, in the beauty and precision of this present moment."

--Peter Matthiessen

And from the day before:

"The world is not to be put in order. The world is order. It is for us to put ourselves in unison with this order."

--Henry Miller

And from the day before that:

"...The sacred is in the ordinary...it is to be found in one's daily life, in one's neighbors, friends, and family, in one's own backyard...travel may be a flight from confronting the sacred--this lesson can be easily lost. To be looking elsewhere for miracles is to me a sure sign of ignorance that everything is miraculous."

--Abraham Maslow

And, finally for now, from earlier this month:

"You cannot understand life and its mysteries as long as you try to grasp it. Indeed, you cannot grasp it just as you cannot walk off with the river in a bucket. If you try to capture running water in a bucket, it is clear that you do not understand it and that you will always be disappointed, for in the bucket the water does not run. To 'have' running water, you must let go of it and let it run."

--Alan Watts

Trees Make the Best Mobiles

2008-10-15T15:55:00.004-05:00

This week I finished reading a little book from the library called Trees Make the Best Mobiles. The book is primarily geared towards first time parents of infants and didn't cover a lot of new ground for me, but there were a couple of good reminders in it about present, mindful parenting.

Regarding time with our children: "They offer us a chance, not only to quell past demons, but to leave behind the pressures of the day. With them, we can be our best selves: alert, vibrant, and generous--and fully alive in the present tense."

And, with regard to children learning your behaviors: "Make sure that what your child is absorbing isn't your ragged, frustrated, or furious self, but your best self. And when it's not, let him know that you know, and that you'll try harder next time."

Unfortunately, I think I often do show my "ragged" self and am NOT necessarily my best, alert and vibrant self. When I think about it, I feel like I was my best and most vibrant self when I worked for the Ronald McD House. Part of me genuinely feels that my personality is not well-suited for stay-at-home-mothering and that my mind/personality is better matched to being really deeply invested in a purposeful job/career outside the home. However, my HEART will not allow me to invest that deepness outside of my family while my kids are little and so clearly need to be with me. I am compelled to be with them and care for them myself and that seems irreconcilable with outside employment for me. The push-pull is big though and sometimes my sense of loss over work that I loved and in which I was my best and most vibrant self is really strong. The best balance I can manage is do birth work in my "spare" time--my passion for that and my purpose in that, brings back my feeling of being my "best and most vibrant self." I actually feel more deeply connected--mission and purpose and passion wise--to birth work than I did at RMHC, but I have to squeeze it into some very small cracks in my life at this point in time. I have long struggled with what I feel like is a conflict between parenting and "personing." I'll keep working on it, because I do want my boys to see my vibrant self! (and, I think, part of them seeing my vibrant, full self, is my giving myself permission to pursue some outside-of-mothering stuff like teaching birth classes and also giving myself permission to get into the moment with mothering and let the other stuff fall away, while I invest in truly being there with them instead of thinking about my "to-do list" or my other goals).

A relevant quote:

"Each time you say, 'I need another minute to finish this...,' you squander a moment with your child, never to be reclaimed."

I confess, though this is another good reminder, it annoyed me. There is a little too much "romanticizing" of parenting implicit within it. I thought of all the times when I've said "I just need another minute to..." Hmmm. Go to the BATHROOM! Finish fixing breakfast, put the baby to sleep, help someone else go to the bathroom, talk to my husband--the love of my life... I guess each could be seen as "squandering" and I have an inner monitor in my head that lets me know that! But, get real, sometimes you really DO need another minute to "finish this" and there is no reason to get all blamey about it! (I also confess that my defensiveness here is also about the times I do say "just a minute" when it really ISN'T that important and I could drop what I'm doing to meet their needs--but is it always actual needs, or sometimes just a nonstop desire for parental entertainment?)

And along those lines, another quote:

"Keep in mind, too, that life isn't all entertainment--even when you're only three...Allowing them to become bored means letting them draw on their own resources. It means trusting them to make their own fun. A child who can reach inside herself for amusement or consolation is a child who is truly plugged in."

And a final reminder:

"What we all crave is to be seen, really seen, and through that seeing, know ourselves. We spend much of our life--in work, love, friendship, and sometimes even in therapy--trying to achieve this."

So, look when they call "watch me!"

Yesterday, I also finished reading a tiny little book called The Best of Oprah's What I Know for Sure (this was one of my little daily, post-yoga inspirational reads). I liked this quote immensely:

"The world can only value mothering to the extent that women everywhere stand and declare that it must be so."

Giving Birth

2008-10-13T09:01:00.003-05:00

Early this week I also finished reading Giving Birth, by Sheila Kitzinger. I posted quotes from it on my other two blogs, so I'm not going to share any quotes here. The book was an interesting read--after a great opening chapter about "Birth as Experience," that I enjoyed very much and another about the couples relationship, there was a series of birth stories. The stories represented a range of experiences (including triplets) and degrees of intervention (some of the births were very medicalized). Each birth story was fairly short and was preceded with an introduction by the author explaining sort of the main "point" of each story. The book then closed with a chapter about what birth is like for the baby.

One of the things I liked about the opening section of the book is how she looked at childbirth education and whether it is effective in preparing women for birth. I find that as I "evolve" as an educator, I become more and more interested in the process of educating, principles of adult education, how people really learn, etc., so I really enjoy reading about, and thinking about, how to share birth information in a way that really works.

Labor of Love

2008-10-11T13:47:00.008-05:00

Last week I finished a review copy of Cara Muhlhahn's brand new midwifery memoir, Labor of Love. Cara is the CNM who was featured in The Business of Being Born. I'm not going to write a whole lot about the book here, because I'm reviewing it for CfM News. It was a fast-paced read and very different than Lady's Hands, Lion's Heart, the other midwife's memoir I recently finished. It was interesting to read this one on the heels of the other one and I wonder if I would have enjoyed it more as a "stand alone" rather as an immediately-following read.

This book was different in that it was much more autobiographical than most other books in this genre--there were lots of details about her personal life and family (details which were nearly absent in books like Baby Catcher) and much less birth stories than you'd expect (the birth stories were not very detailed). In general, it was more a well-rounded picture of her life, her path to midwifery, her thoughts about her career, her work experiences, and so forth than I expected, but less "birthy" than I expected. Overall, it was an interesting and engaging read and I recommend it--especially to aspiring midwives. I think it is more relevant to them than to childbirth educators or other general birth activists.

Quite a few years ago, I was doing a lot of soul-searching about my life purpose. One of the things that bothered me was wanting my role in life/my life purpose to be transcendent of time and space (i.e. not "I'm meant to be a Really Specific Title only relevant in the 21st century"--like an ipod programmer or something like that!). So, a quote jumped out at me from this book:

"But something deep within me insisted on finding some kind of work that would be relevant throughout time, from life in caves through life in outer space. I didn't know yet that I wanted to be a midwife. I just knew that one of the criteria for my career was that it did not permit built-in obsolescence."

I thought I was the only one who thought of careers in these terms! I swear, I used to lament to my husband, "But, what would my purpose in life have been if I was a cavewoman?!" (This was before I had any children--mothering is certainly relevant across time and space and cavewomen!)

Tenth Anniversary

2008-10-04T18:16:00.005-05:00

Well, a couple of months have passed since M and I celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary. I've been meaning to post about it since July! To honor this big anniversary we built a 3-circuit labyrinth in the woods in front of our house. We walked in to it separately to symbolize our separate paths and then met in the middle.I had chosen two passages from the UU Hymnal Singing the Living Tradition to use as a vows renewal of sorts and we read them in unison in the middle.

We come together this morning to
remind one another
To rest for a moment on the
forming edge of our lives,
To resist the headlong tumble
into the next moment,
Until we claim for ourselves
Awareness and gratitude,
Taking time to look into one
another’s faces
And see there communion: the
reflection of our own eyes.

This place of laughter and
silence, memory and hope,
is hallowed by our presence
together.

-------------------------------

May the light around us guide our
footsteps,
and hold us fast to the best and
most righteous that we seek.

May the darkness around us
nurture our dreams,
and give us rest so that we may
give ourselves to the work of
our world.

Let us seek to remember the
wholeness of our lives,
the weaving of light and shadow
in this great and astonishing
dance in which we move.

--Kathleen McTigue

I cried! Then, the kids each walked in separately to join us, just as they joined our marriage during the second five years of it and we all walked out together as a family. I'd made a flower wreath for myself to wear in my hair and I'm glad I did, because it made me feel special :)

LabOrinth

2008-09-20T21:48:00.004-05:00

This week I was super excited to get my pre-ordered copy of Pam England's new booklet, "LabOrinth" in the mail ("when the labyrinth becomes a labOrinth: metaphor, map, meditations, & rituals for labor and postpartum"). It was an interesting little book. I really connect with the labyrinth as a metaphor for birthing (I've posted about this here before) and I use it as a teaching tool in my birth classes as well. Most couples seem to connect with it as well though I think on the surface it feels a little "New Agey" to some of them. Labyrinths are actually ancient (oldest found is 3500 years old!) and have been found in many cultures and places. According to the booklet, they were used by midwives in England 500 years ago as tools for healing. And, centuries ago, mosaic labyrinths inlaid in the floors of churches were walked by pilgrims on their knees (those who could not actually make pilgrimages to the Holy Land in person, would crawl through the labyrinth in the church on their knees as their pilgrimage). I use the crawling example in class to explain that in the "labyrinth" of birth, you can go at your own pace and speed and you can even crawl if you need to! Anyway, it is a cool little book and I recommend it. I love Birthing from Within's materials and ideas.

Based on reading this booklet and on the cover of the Birthing from Within book that I'm re-reading, I drew a little sketch of "kiva woman" and a womb labyrinth that I wanted to share. Though I'm crafty and creative, *drawing* is not really a talent or skill of mine, but I liked my little picture anyway, even if it isn't polished!

Life After Death

2008-09-19T10:10:00.006-05:00

Several weeks ago I finished a library book by Deepak Chopra called Life After Death: The Burden of Proof. There were a lot of interesting ideas in this book, but I've finally accepted that I'm not going to end up having the time to do a big blog post about them. I did want to share one of the ideas from it that really stuck with me (I'm actually paraphrasing here): "Saying the mind is in the brain, is like saying the music is in the radio." (or that the footprint in the sand is the same as the foot.)

This book really explored all kinds of things about consciousness, the nature of reality, the nature of the mind/brain/soul, physics, quantum physics, cognition, neurobiology, neurology, Indian mysticism/religions, etc., etc. It was kind of heavy read and took me a while to get through it, but it was very interesting. One of the ideas was that the universe and its patterns/fields of energy could be looked at as the mind/consciousness of God. (Another effective analogy he used in the book was of someone studying a TV screen at an extreme close up (like atomic level) and how you would only see random photons firing randomly, but as you move out and out and out, you start to form a theory that perhaps the photons *aren't* firing randomly, but perhaps there is a pattern. Then, you start to discern colors, and then images, and then realize is video of people performing a story, and so on. The analogy being that perhaps as little humans we can't get far enough away from "the picture" to see the whole of reality and the patterns of the universe/God/consciousness...)

Around the Circle Gently

2008-09-12T10:15:00.003-05:00

Last week I finished reading a neat little book called Around the Circle Gently. It is a book of quotes about birth, families, and life. I enjoyed it and found lots of food for thought therein, as well as some good quotes to use in mother blessing or "welcome new baby" cards in the future.

I'm leaving shortly for a retreat. One of my sessions is about postpartum planning (I wrote more about this on the CfM blog), and so I wanted to share a related quote from this book about it:

“In any society the way a woman gives birth and the kind of care given to her and the baby point as sharply as an arrowhead to the key values in the culture.”

--Sheila Kitzinger

I have more thoughts about this quote as it relates to birth that I hope to write up more completely someday. However, for now it is reminding me of the importance of nurturing postpartum care and "cocooning" for mother and new baby.

Last week I also read the novel The Jane Austen Book Club, which then prompted me to rent the newer Pride and Prejudice movie.

Recent Activities

2008-09-05T23:11:00.005-05:00

I've had a nice and busy week and wanted to post a quick update about what I've been up to. My article Satisfaction with Birth, just came out in the fall issue of the International Journal of Childbirth Education (ICEA). At four pages, it is the longest professional article I've had published and I'm proud of it. :) The Journal has been redesigned and has a fresh, glossy new look for this issue and it is fun to be in the first edition with this new style! The whole publication looks really great. It also has some great content and I read the whole thing cover-to-cover right away. Particularly good was an article by Sheila Kitzinger about PTSD called "Screaming Inside: A Normal Response to Abnormal Stress" that was pretty powerful. (Also, I am excited to have my own article in the same issue with an article by such a talented woman!)

Yesterday, I finished making a mei tai baby carrier with my Mindful Mothers group. We had SO much fun!I shared a while ago about how making things for yourself is so empowering and this was another example of that--I did this myself! Yay me! :-D Of course Z is rather too big for carrier like this anymore, so now I'll have to have another baby to put in it...

Mindful Mothers originally started as a chapter of a national organization and I was a co-leader for it. As I've been faced recently with making hard choices about what to keep doing and what to let go of, I handed over the group to two wonderful and talented women who have reworked it into an independent group called Mindful Mothers. It is now going strong under its new leadership and new independence and I feel I made the right decision in stepping down. They've been doing awesome things like this mei tai party! (We all brought our sewing machines and worked together on two separate evenings making the mei tais--as well as eating delicious potluck dinner and doing lots of chatting!)

Finally, last night I finished reading an excellent book called Lady's Hands, Lion's Heart. It is a midwife's memoir and covers 13 years of devoted practice. Lots of great birth stories, as well as being an interesting personal journey and the journey of midwifery as a profession in NH. I strongly recommend it to anyone who is interested in birth, particularly aspiring midwives. I reviewed it for the forthcoming issue of CfM News and posted a little more about it on the CfM blog.

The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal

2008-08-30T21:17:00.000-05:00

My mother-in-law bought me The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal for Christmas and I've been gradually working through it for the last couple of months. I finished it at the end of July, but haven't had time to post about it really until now. When I got this book, I made a commitment to myself that I was really going to DO the book, instead of just reading it, tossing it aside, and gobbling down the next one on my stack. So, I did. It took me about 4 months or so to work through it. It is actually laid out in a 12-month format. The subtitle is "How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate, and Re-Balance Your Life," which is just what I felt like I needed! As a funny little side note, when I first started reading the book, I had a lovely little leather bound fancy notebook to do the journaling/reflective exercises in. I discovered I was never doing them--it never felt like the right time. Then, I bought a Pirates of the Caribbean notebook at Wal-Mart featuring a large photo of Orlando Bloom on the cover and lo and behold, I started doing the journaling exercises in it and finished the book right up! I had to laugh at myself--Hark! I have found thee, my muse, and thy name is Orlando Bloom (especially in rakish, unbuttoned-pirate-shirt attire!)

The author of this book also has a blog that I enjoy reading.

Working through this book coupled with then working through another book I hope to post about soon (The Life Organizer), did actually help me to make some hard decisions about the various roles in my life. I have this long standing tendency to read really great self-help books, nodding along in agreement the whole time and thinking, "this book changed my life!", but then, as I noted earlier, immediately hopping along to the next book without necessarily integrating the wisdom, ideas, or approach of the prior "life changing" book. So...I decided in January after reading Practically Perfect in Every Way (a book I STILL have not yet managed to blog about even though I finished in in JANUARY, because I have a lot to say about it--I took pages and pages of notes for a blog post, but have never transcribed them...), to read less self-help books, but also to use more of what I read in them when I read them. I have lots of reflections on this subject, but they are languishing with good old Orlando at the moment, waiting for me to type them all up!

On a separate note, my best friend welcomed her family's sixth child into the family last weekend! It sounds like it was a beautiful unassisted birth and I'm so happy for their beautiful family! The weekend he was born, I was sorting through some folders of papers and came across a poem I'd copied from Mothering magazine that brought a tear to my eye. It is called "Take Pictures" and is a poignant look at how fast it all goes. Here is a link to it on the Mothering sit e, conveniently. The end gets me in my heart every time I read it,

"Holding tight to my neck, my son
trusts - he knows no other way - my touch lightly
dries his tears. I am his queen, his goddess, handily
his slave. Blink, it's a photo again, a trick of the eye,

a frozen captive of time, paper, light and silver: my son
is a grown man: he drinks from his own hand. Reader, I
urge you, spin slowly, take pictures, remember to laugh."(emphasis mine).

Anyway, reading this poem felt like a tribute of sorts to the birth of this fresh, new little guy. I think I'm going to post it somewhere where I can see it regularly.

Puzzling

2008-08-23T16:33:00.002-05:00

From the Zen calendar:

"It is a puzzling thing. The truth knocks on the door and you say, 'Go away, I'm looking for the truth,' and so it goes away. Puzzling."

--Robert M. Pirsig

"Quiet minds cannot be perplexed or frightened, but go on in fortune or misfortune at their own private pace, like a clock during a thunderstorm."

--Robert Louis Stevenson

This week I finished reading Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, which was very funny. Memoir series of essays about the crazy family and sometimes horrible life of David Sedaris. Reads like a novel (a funny one).

I also read the super quick The Meaning of Life, which is like a little picture book.

Quick catch up

2008-08-16T22:00:00.005-05:00

It has been super busy around here lately, but I wanted to go ahead and try for a quick catch-up.

A couple of weeks ago I finished a great book. It had intrigue, suspense, dirty double-crossers, backstabbing, plots, conspiracies, and more. Was it a new mystery novel? No! It was The Politics of Breastfeeding! Seriously, this was a phenomenal book. I bought it over two years ago and it took me a long time to get to it on my to-read shelf, because I was kind of thinking, "how interesting could this be?" It was great. I really recommend it. It will make you outraged and shocked though! This was my surprise hit of the year. Someday I might get around to sharing some great quotes from this book, but probably not because there are so many more books to read...

Speaking of my to-read shelf, you may be surprised--or throughly NOT surprised--to know that I have probably 80 books on my to-read shelf. I also have about 30 on my Amazon wishlist, 10 on my Bookins want list, and about 30 more on my library wish list (as in, books I want to read, but don't want to buy).

Quite some time ago, I also finished reading Creating a Charmed Life. This was one of those inspirational/motivational books that I read a little snippet of at a time after my morning yoga. In one of the sections--"Choose Actual Over Virtual Reality"-- it s aid,"There's a saying that goes, 'Some people make things happen. Others watch things happen. The rest wonder what happened.' The watchers are rapidly outnumbering both other groups, but real life is participatory. It balances consumption with production. And when you leave it there's less regret, because you know without any doubt that you were here."

I also read the book Living in Balance. Lots of good quotes, but kind of slow reading. The content was right up my alley, but the pace and style of the book was unengaging and actually kind of boring to get through. Quote of a quote I really liked:

"I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible, to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit."

--Dawna Markova

Today, I also finished reading my brand new copy of Prepared Childbirth: The Educator's Guide. I'd heard this was a "must have" for CBEs. I did find several things I could use right away and I'm incorporating them into the next series I have (starts next week). However, I didn't find that much that was new or fresh to me. It actually just reinforced that I've put together a pretty good and complete "curriculum" for my birth classes and maybe I need to stop trying to find even more and more curriculums to draw from--my own program is good how it is!

Playful Parenting

2008-08-01T13:55:00.000-05:00

Last week I finished reading a really good book from the library called Playful Parenting. I don't have time right now to write much about it, but I really recommend it! A quote I liked from it: "That's why I recommend that parents not send their children to their rooms to cry alone, or leave them alone to cry themselves to sleep. It is more time-consuming to stay with them, to help them let out their feelings of loneliness and sadness, but those feelings don't go away just because we shut the door on them. In fact, I am starting to see eight-, nine-, and ten-year-olds in my practice whose parents followed the advice to 'let them cry it out' when the children were babies. These infants were seen as manipulating parents into cuddling with them or lying down with them to sleep. These children are now having trouble sleeping through the night because of fears, nightmares, and worries. In my less mature moments, I feel like saying, 'I told you so!'"

There was also a section about children feeling powerless (or isolated) and the author talked about attitudes in our society towards power: "Where is the true power? Why is it so rare? The answer starts with our society, which is ambivalent about power. We seek it and admire it, but we mistrust it...At the same time, empowerment is a buzzword in psychology, and all efforts are supposed to be made to empower children. We use the same word--power--to apply to vastly different things...I generally use the word confidence to refer to the positive side of power--the power to stand up for what is right, the power to be adventurous (within safe limits), the power to know your own inner strength, the power to achieve a goal, the power of happy play. On the other side is powerlessness, which often looks like passivity, inhibition, timidity, fearfulness, and whining..."

This section made me think about birth (of course) because "empowerment" is a commonly used word when talking about giving birth/preparing women to give birth. I liked his re-framing of "positive power" as "confidence" because that is truly what I think women need in order to give birth--they need confidence, a sense of personal power and inner strength. Also, I think the end result of meeting your own needs in some way is empowerment--in a variety of situations. For example, I recently sewed something for a gift for a friend of mine. I don't use the sewing machine much and after I cut out the garment, I thought about calling my mom and asking her to just sew it for me--that would have been easier. However, I didn't, and I sewed it all myself, plus then another one for myself ;-) As I did it and remembered how to thread the machine, refill the bobbin, etc. I thought, "this is empowering!"--sure I could have asked for help, but it feels really good to do it myself. I think birth is like that too--it feels good to do it yourself and doing it yourself, makes you feel good about yourself. That is not to say that asking for help when you need is not a strength in its own way--it is--but just that accomplishing something under your own power has motional/psychological rewards. It feels good. It is empowering.

Also from the library I had Voluntary Simplicity. This book has been on my to-read list since 2002!! LOL! I had it on hold at the Columbia library for about a year and it never came in because it was lost. So, I had it on my Amazon wishlist for ages and no one ever bought it for me. So...what do you know, I found it at the library in which I hold a newly-re-beloved library card. And, after all this time, I took it back half read. I simply did not enjoy it or connect with it well at all. What a letdown! I almost NEVER quit reading something in the middle. This was the first book I've done that with all year, I think.

Quick update

2008-07-26T23:01:00.005-05:00

A post to say that I'm not really going to be posting today (LOL!). I've been in St. Louis all day at a cool training workshop and then tomorrow is computer-off day at our house, so no catch up then.

Yesterday was our tenth wedding anniversary. We had a really nice little ceremony that I hope to post about at some point soon.

Yesterday I also finished reading the e-book version of The Power of Pleasurable Childbirth. It was a good, short book about unassisted birth. I'm not sure if is the same as the print version, so now I'm curious to look at a copy of that too!

Uh oh!

2008-07-19T17:08:00.003-05:00

From my Zen calendar this week...

"Those who have strong passions are never able to perceive the Way. It is like stirring up clear water with your hands; you may come wishing to find a reflection of your face, but you'll never see clearly in disturbed waters. A mind troubled and vexed with passions is never able to see the Way."

--Sutra of Forty-two Chapters

If this is true, my chances of enlightenment are slim to none, LOL! I have many passions and many fires burning.

I have always been very passionate about my "causes." M said to me a couple of weeks ago that he didn't know what it was like to be so very into something for so long (birth, for me). I told him that perhaps it is a personality style to be really committed to causes, because I've had a "cause" that I've felt devoted to since 1997, when I started working at the first battered women's shelter I worked in. That was the first time I felt that fire, that passion, that aliveness, that sense of "rightness," the attachment to the cause--the thing that is bigger than myself. I've had other work settings where I felt it and others where I haven't and I use that feeling as my guidepost to gauge whether I'm in the right place--if I'm working somewhere that does not make me feel "alive," I've GOT to get out of there or it feels like my spirit will be crushed. I have a physical sense of being squelched, when in a non-passion workplace.

I have more to say on this, but our chicken pen has just been finished and I'm being called to the grand unveiling and "release" of the chickens into their little yard for the first time!

Husband-Coached Childbirth

2008-07-19T16:11:00.003-05:00

With my renewed library enthusiasm, I checked out and read Husband-Coached Childbirth this week. I was interested in the book for "historical value" primarily, because Dr. Bradley made so many contributions to the natural childbirth movement and was really a pioneer in natural childbirth and birth education. I didn't particularly like his paternalistic attitude throughout the book and there was something offputting about his tone as well as many of the things he said (the whole "properly trained women" who know how to "conduct themselves" during labor and referring to women as "she was a good obstetrical athlete," as well as a weird section about the "chapped and brittle" vaginas of American women being the cause of tears and episiotomies...). Most of the book is written towards the husband and preparing him to be a good "coach." I recognize that this approach works well for some families. However, as I've referenced in this blog before when mentioning Bradley, it seems that this approach to birth has a very rigid set of "correct" birth behaviors and techniques (very specific side-lying position to labor in, etc.) and my own philosophy centers much more around trusting your inner wisdom, doing what feels good, and listening to your instincts (not your "training" and your "coach.")

There were a couple of things I really liked in this book though too. One was his recurrent use of the word "motherlike." He'd say, "XYZ might not be ladylike, but it IS motherlike...." Another was his reference to the "birth climax." We've been discussing the new birth film Orgasmic Birth on several email lists recently and I have reservations about the choice of title for the film (especially because apparently only one birth in the film is actually "orgasmic" the others are more like "ecstatic" or "joyful," not literally orgasmic). In this Bradley book he references "Helen Wessel's new [1974] term 'birth climax'...subjectively comparing the feeling of birth with the emotional climax in lovemaking." On the email list I'm on, I wrote: Personally, I think birth is such an encompassing and tremendous experience in and of itself, it doesn’t really need orgasm mixed in with it to be powerful and exhilarating (though, its not like I’m opposed to orgasm. It just seems like separate types of happenings, though still on the sexual lifecycle continuum). I think the closest I could come (no pun intended, LOL!) is to “pleasurable” birth, but even though it involves the same body parts, it is a completely different type of experience to me than sex/orgasm.

Then another CBE who had seen the film wrote about it (and the appropriateness of the title) as follows: "If you are not literal but figurative certainly orgasmic could be applied to each of these births....Orgasmic should be applied to something ultimately enjoyable, physiologically intimate and rewarding and I think these births fall in that category. Doesn't a wonderful orgasm make you feel good about yourself? Your body? The mom who says there aren't many times in your life when you can say you are proud of yourself ... and her eyes are welling up .... and enjoying birth isn't something we talk about just like orgasms aren't talked about in public .... that's an orgasmic birth."

So, after pondering these thoughts and then reading the term "birth climax" and thinking about the powerful wave of emotions and euphoria after giving birth, I'm starting to "get" the Orgasmic Birth title. Heck, I guess my "powerful and exhilarating" might actually be talking about "orgasmic birth" after all!

The Childbirth Kit

2008-07-12T23:11:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, I read The Childbirth Kit. This had been on my wishlist at Amazon for literally years, so I finally went ahead and bought it for myself (my husband bought a mini-amp for his guitar at the same time and we decided they were sort of like anniversary presents. Our tenth wedding anniversary is coming up in less than two weeks!) Anyway, The Childbirth Kit consists of a short book (interesting and concise. Some pieces felt "outdated" because it was written in 1994) and a set of 17 image cards. The cards are the reason I wanted the set. Each one has a colorful image on the front designed for a particular stage of labor (so like water drops on a leaf for early labor or a bright red-orange piece of intricate glass for pushing) and the back has a short visualization exercise to do, ideas of things for the woman to try during labor, ideas for the birth partner to help her, and a series of inspiring/contemplative words that are related to the image on the front. So, for example, one card has the words "Pathways. Mother. Growth. Fertile. Powerful" printed along the bottom (the image on the front is titled "Earth," but it looks more like a woven rug/tapestry). There is even a card titled "Knit." My mom would approve! It is a pretty cool set. The idea is that you practice with the cards, images, visualizations prior to labor and then continue using them IN labor as well (so, pinning on the on the wall to look at, or holding them, or whatever).

This week I also read The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood. This was actually the third time I've read it. I didn't really set out to read it again, I was looking up some stats for an article I was writing and got lured back in to reading the whole thing. It is a good book. We have it in our LLL library (the first time I read it, it was the previous edition and I got it from the LLL Group I used to go to when L was a baby).

Libraries

2008-07-11T16:46:00.005-05:00

I spent many years of my life loving the library and making good use of all it had to offer. When I was in graduate school, I lost touch with the joy of the library and only set foot in the University library TWICE (funny that that is possible, but such is the miracle of the internet and University computer access to all kinds of journal article online, instead of dusty stack-searching for them). While an undergrad, I practically lived at the library--either the college one or the public one, I spent a lot of time in both. Not necessarily checking out books or doing research, but as my "base" between classes, to study, write papers etc. After graduate school, I rediscovered the joy of reading for pleasure. I had library cards at the two cities we lived in prior to where we live now. I went to the library at least once a week and had a fabulous time. Then, we moved back to our hometown, and since we're out of the city limits a library card costs $20. I didn't get one. I've lived here for three years now and have only set foot in the library a handful of times, mostly to give them updated LLL posters for their windows. I haven't consciously missed it, because I get so many books from book sales, yard sales, friends, Bookins, and Amazon (who needs the library, I began to feel!)

Then, I went to a special children's program at the library about an hour away from us a couple of weeks ago, and was suddenly struck by how fabulous libraries are and how much I love them. It didn't hurt that this little library had some rockin' cool books for sale for only 25 cents each! (Excuse me while I swoon, but they had multiple copies of the brand new Our Bodies, Ourselves Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth. Hardback, library bound copies. A QUARTER! I almost collapsed with joy).

So, this week, I decided that I should shell out the $20 for a library card at my local public library. I actually planned to do so only so my kids could check out books, videos, and participate in the summer reading program (side note: I asked L if he'd like to do the summer reading program and I told him that they had prizes for it. He, like most kids, love prizes and surprises, but he gave me a really funny look and said, "Why would I need to win prizes for reading books?! That doesn't make any sense." Aww. That's my guy. Reading books is its own reward! ;-) However, as soon as I stepped into the stacks I was in LOVE again. OMG. Libraries are fabulous. I found two books on my Amazon wish list as well as an interesting book-on-CD to listen to while I fold laundry. I've been twice this week alone and see many more trips in my future. The kids love it too and I feel guilty that I've been depriving them for so long (especially because I KNOW how much I loved the library when I was a kid. I literally had read every single book in the teenager section of the libraries in both towns near me. Every single one. I used to check out 20 "young adult" books at a time and read two each day. That was my mom's limit for me, because otherwise I'd be all weird-acting from having been buried in a book all day long).

Okay, so I already finished reading one of the books I checked out (not one that was on my wish list, but one that caught my eye). It was The Busy Mom's Guide to Simple Living. It was extremely religious. More so than I anticipated from my initial glance at it. While I didn't really get much out of it specifically, I did start to ponder all of the simple living/homesteading things I've lost touch with in recent months as the busy-ness of life has started to get away from me.

A Quiet Corner

2008-06-28T14:16:00.004-05:00

This week, I finished reading the little book I'd been doing a short reading from each morning. Called Find a Quiet Corner: a simple guide to self-peace, the book itself made much less impact than the title did. The book's content and tips were nothing new or remarkable, but the idea from the title of designating a quiet, private place to myself, stuck. I had a sewing desk in our bedroom that was just a place for junk to pile up. so, I cleared it all up and put some of my special things on it and now I try to take a few minutes to sit there once a day and read a few pages from my next inspirational book, write in my journal, and walk my finger labyrinth. I started this about a month ago and it is nice.

As a little "contest"--I'll be happy to mail this little book to the first person who leaves me a comment telling me why they'd like to have their own quiet corner!

Related to this quiet corner idea, is this quote from Thomas Merton. I've quoted it here before when I read it quoted in a quote in another book. But, this time it showed up on my $1 Shop Zen calendar:

"To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to the violence of our times."

--Thomas Merton

I need to put this somewhere where I can read it every time I sit down at the computer!

Journal Articles

2008-06-21T17:24:00.006-05:00

I have no time to blog this week, so this is a quickie just to report that my essay in Midwifery Today came out this month. This was just a short, semi-funny piece about "the mess" from my glorious homebirth ;-) It was fun.

My article about the birth-breastfeeding continuum was also published in the International Journal of Childbirth Education (ICEA's pub) this month. This was a serious article with references and an abstract and all that good stuff. I ended up being pretty proud of it.

L had a little poem published in HMN's The Wise Mom in their new "Holistic Kids" section this month too:

The valley is so beautiful.
The things are so bright.

The family is so great.
And everything's all right.

This week I also enjoyed reading this month's International Doula from DONA and my first issue of my new subscription to Hip Mama. I've long wanted to subscribe to Hip Mama, but never have until now. Interesting pieces that are little bit outside of my own personal somewhat insulated and privileged sphere of motherhood.

Also, my beloved Brain, Child arrived and I gobbled it up without an ounce of self-control, as usual. I swear, if I was going to be marooned on a desert island with only one thing to read I would say this magazine. Except, I read it WAY too fast, so it wouldn't last me nearly long enough and I'd "starve" of reading materials before actual starvation even had a slight chance to set it. So, I'd have to, reluctantly, choose something else. Like a big huge Complete Works of Shakespeare or something. Though, if I was going to die on the island, wouldn't it be better to go out happy with Brain, Child by my side instead of slogging through Shakespeare, who has never floated my boat, despite my best efforts? (I took a whole freakin' CLASS in Shakespeare in college and yet have never fully made it through ANY of his works...) Okay, digression over. Proceed!

Earlier this month I enjoyed some thought provoking articles about life and death in UU World magazine.

Only finished one book and haven't had time to write about it yet. This is all I can do for today!

An Easier Childbirth

2008-06-14T14:08:00.003-05:00

I bought myself a little present on Amazon recently--a fresh copy of An Easier Childbirth by Gayle Peterson. I read this book from the library when I was pregnant with L and I've been wanting to read it again for quite some time. Reading it brought back all kinds of memories and all the questions, fears, thoughts I had during that time in my life--so many unknowns with a first pregnancy. I remember feeling like I was studying for the biggest "test" of my life and books like this felt like my textbooks--like if I studied them hard enough, I could do it "right." Now, I know that you can't really study for birth, though I do think that being well-read and well-informed is a good thing. Well, if you are reading positive, confidence building, woman-centered, birth affirming books like this one! This book focuses on the psychological elements of birth preparation and birth experiences. It validates the importance of birth experiences in women's lives and is quite good.

A quote I loved (quoting a midwife named Rhonda):

"It is not 'ladylike' to give birth. The strength and power of labor is not demure."

In seriousness though, I think she's onto something. I think that our country's high rate of epidural use is probably connecting to the whole issue of wanting to remain "in control" and not to be roaring the baby out in an "unladylike" manner.

Yoga for Your Pregnancy

2008-06-07T14:29:00.002-05:00

I wanted to quickly post about a prenatal yoga DVD I got for my birthday and absolutely LOVE! It is Yoga for Your Pregnancy by Yoga Journal & Lamaze. The video has multiple practices, which makes it a wonderful value for your money--there is an energizing practice, a relaxing practice, a postpartum practice and then quick practices of meditation for pregnancy, pranayama for pregnancy, and birthing room yoga. I adore the birthing room yoga segment. So good! It is only five minutes long and is perfect to use in birth classes. I've already incorporated it into my classes and it is wonderful. I bought this video specifically for ideas to use in birth classes--which is fulfilled perfectly with that great little segment--but was pleasantly surprised that I LOVE doing each of the practices as my own morning yoga routine. I'm not pregnant and find the practices really, really good even for not-pregnant people. They have a great balance of some challenge along with restorative, gentleness (they have modifications for people further along in pregnancy). The postpartum practice is really quite a workout, which was a surprise to me. Anyway, I just really enjoy this video!

There is an interview with the instructor as one of the bonus features and she talks about her planned homebirth which progressed very quickly and so she ended up having an unplanned unassisted birth, which I thought was cool. She also talks about using hypnosis to prepare for birth. Ever since I "met" Sheridan online, my ears perk up whenever I hear someone mention using hypnosis in labor!

As far as books, I only finished reading The Very Important Pregnancy Program by Gail Brewer. I didn't really like it that much. The emphasis on nutrition was intense! I recognize that nutrition is very important, but I wonder if it is the total end all be all that this book presents! Also, basically I collect books like this in order to glean new information or coping techniques to share in birth classes. I was interested that in this ENTIRE book there was basically ONE coping strategy, which was to do progressive relaxation in which a "wave" of relaxation passes through your body during each contraction. She even says that this technique might get "boring" since you have to do it for several hours of contractions, but doesn't really offer anything else! I forget that some approaches to birth preparation are much more passive than my own approach--the emphasis of this book, and in the Bradley book, is to lie still on your side basically the whole labor doing this relaxation technique the whole time. No thanks!

One World

2008-06-07T00:57:00.003-05:00

From my Zen calendar (what did I do without this thing?!):

"There is only one world, the world pressing against you this minute."

--Storm Jameson

"The lesson that life reappears and constantly enforces is 'Look under foot.' You are always nearer to the divine and the true sources of your power than you think."

--John Burroughs

And a great one from Thoreau:

"I believe in the forest, and in the meadow, and in the night in which the corn grows."

The quote above is about real *magic* to me. My older son was asking questions about magic the other day and I told him that I think there is plenty of real life real magic in the world and he said, "yeah, like how babies grow!" After watching the Discovery Channel film referenced below, we had been talking about the tininess of cells and how they make up our body parts and how marvelous it is that each of us grew a heart that beats in this complex and orchestrated way that we can not really fathom or duplicate, and all of the potential that exists in each flower, vegetable, or tree seed, etc., etc.

Happiness is a Choice

2008-06-05T16:49:00.003-05:00

I needed this quote today (I read it in an article, I haven't ever read the book it is from, Happiness is a Choice, but maybe I should):

"No single energy can be more impactful on this planet than the joy and well-being emanating from one truly happy and loving person."

I try to be mindful of the kind of energy emanating from me and sometimes it gets dragged down into feeling ineffective and pessimistic (also, often not. I have a lot of enthusiasm and passion and joy of life! :) I'd like to stay primarily on the joy and well-being emanation side rather than the discouraged and critical side, which is where I felt myself being today!)

Rediscovering Birth

2008-05-30T13:37:00.004-05:00

This past week I finally finished reading Rediscovering Birth by Sheila Kitzinger. I've had this book for some time and have flipped through it more than once because it has great pictures and some good quotes as well. It is a big hardback book (sort of coffee table style), which makes it heavy to hold up while lying on my side in bed to read. Hence, the reason it took like 2 years to make it off my to-read bookshelf.

I then treated myself to Things I Learned from Knitting , which was a birthday gift from me to my mom. It is by the Yarn Harlot and was just as funny as her others. And, yes, though this is a humor book about knitting, I still marked two sections because they had potential to develop into analogies about birth. LOL! We all have our obsessions! One was about cooking a mushroom stroganoff and the other about chance of death via legal execution....Watch and wait with baited breath for how I relate these to birth in a complicated and yet ingenious manner ;-) I won't be posted these for a while, since they aren't at the top of my to-do list, but someday, I promise...

In the Womb

2008-05-27T09:01:00.000-05:00

I had the opportunity recently to watch the film In the Womb, by National Geographic. Overall, it was an interesting film though I thought it became repetitive and there was computer graphic footage that seemed to be repeated over and over again. It really brought home the miracle of human development. It is truly like magic how a baby develops in such complexity and perfection!

Of course, I was most interested to see the birth at the very end of the film and it was great! The mother gave birth standing, with her heads and arms leaning on the hospital bed. The voiceover made comments about how movement during labor is so important and how upright--standing, squatting, kneeling--is the best way to give birth (and thankfully this was backed up by what was actually happening on the screen instead of just the "ideal"). So, that was really cool! It is a very brief clip and not very easy to see so I wouldn't recommend the video for use as a birth video per se, it was just nice to see a normal birth portrayed smoothly (and in hospital setting). Then at the end the mother was nursing the baby and the baby was kind of mouthing the nipple and the nurse suddenly popped in and whisked the baby away from her--holding it up naked and away from her body so the poor thing was all splayed out and crying. My two year old was watching the film with me and I said, "oh no! They took the baby away from the mama!" The baby started to cry and my little guy FREAKED OUT, he clung to me crying and saying "baby. way. mama. WAAHH" and then asking to nurse. It was sad, but also cute that he cared so much and knew where the baby really should be--with its mama!

Mothering the New Mother & Others

2008-05-24T11:37:00.001-05:00

Well, after my post last week about possibly "retiring" from this blog for a while, instead I've decided to just post quick reviews of the books I've read, instead of full ones with quotes and everything and see how that goes for a while.

This week I read:

Mothering the New Mother--this book had been on my Amazon wishlist since 2004 when I took a postpartum doula training (this book is pretty much par for the course for postpartum doulas). I finally got it for my birthday this year (I guess since it had been on my trusty wishlist for so long people figured I didn't still want it, but I did!). This book brought home for me why I think it is so important to me to be available for postpartum women (not as a pp doula anymore, but with breastfeeding help and support groups). It is an excellent resource for mothers, doulas, fathers, and any other support people who work with or help new mothers.

Also a birthday gift, I read The Tao of Motherhood. For whatever reason I was not expecting this to literally be the Tao Te Ching for mothers. I was thinking it was a book about zen mothering or something. However, it is a translation of the ancient Tao Te Ching by Lao-Tzu, but reworked slightly so that every "chapter" is about mothering and mothering well. It has 81 one to two page "chapters" just like the regular one. It was very good, even though totally different than what I expected. I'll need to re-read it and let it soak in better. It is such a quick read, I zoomed through it rather than digesting and absorbing (i.e. a non-Zen way to read!). One quick quote from the end of the chapter on selflessness:

"You can sit and meditate while

your baby cries himself to sleep.

Or you can go to him and share

his tears, and find your Self."

I finally finished reading Just Six Numbers too. This was different than my usual reads and took me a lot longer to finish. In short, it was a physics book of sorts written by a cosmologist about the mathematics that shape the universe. It was really very mind-blowing in scope in some ways--one of those things that makes you feel very, very, very small and insignificant on one hand and on the other awed by the majesty and miracle of life.

Finally, I found Juggling at the $1 Shop and read that. It is a book about balancing career and home and it was interesting. In some ways it helped me feel better about my deep need to continue with my other "career" pursuits in addition to mothering.

Molly Reads...

2011 Book List!

2010 Book Year in Review

The 12 Days of X-Files Christmas

Finishing out 2009

UU World Quotes

Quote from Ode

And More

Recent Reads

Triggers

Media Review: Time 4 Learning

I give up! Letting go...

The Tipping Point

Lady of the Snakes

And some more...

More Zen

Ode

Thoughts on Thinking

The Paradox of Natural Mothering

Present Moment

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering

Bearing Meaning

Zen Again...

Outliers

Yes...

Diplomats and Breastfeeding

Small openings...

Birth, I think I will talk about birth...

My Baby is Three!

I'm so Zen...

Homeschooling

Prep

Journey Into Motherhood

All the Gifts of Life

Zen Quotes

Other Recent Reads

The Fox Woman

The Pink Kit

Homebirth Books

Mother Nature

Periodicals

Special Women

The Big Book of Birth

The Last Lecture

Tree of Happiness

Homebirth

Max Tivoli

Miscellaneous

The Blue Cotton Gown

Still more birth books...

Birthing From Within

More Zen

Christmas books

More Birth Books

Book Year in Review --2008

Last Child in the Woods

Happy New Year!

Sometimes Zen is Annoying...

Soul Force + Stillness

80's Birth Books

Zen Quotes

Walking a Sacred Path

Books

Practically Perfect in Every Way + Musings on Self-Help

The Mommy Wars

ICEA article

Catch-up

Ten Things I Love About Having (Little) Kids

A New Earth

Mindful Mama essay again

Childbirth Education: Research, Practice, & Theory

Milk, Money, & Madness

Mindful Mama essay

Zen Calendar Quotes

Trees Make the Best Mobiles

Giving Birth

Labor of Love

Tenth Anniversary

LabOrinth

Life After Death